ST17.1 Reviews and Rankings - Jocko Homomorphism

 1 Dented Bento

 2 Boy on the Wall

 3 Melody Klein

 4 Sober

 5 See-Man-Ski

 6 Vom Vorton

 7 The Dutch Widows

 8 Mystery Science Creator 3000

 9 Governing Dynamics

10 Good Guy Sojabe

11 Lichen Throat

12 Also in Blue

13 Giraffes for Wings

14 Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost

15 Hot Pink Halo

16 Night Sky

17 Jon Porobil

18 Boffo Yux Dudes

19 rackwagon

20 Pigfarmer Jr

21 Ominous Ride

22 The Brewhouse Sessions

23 Regis Michelena

24 Cavedwellers

25 Keen Observer

26 Jealous Brother

27 Yo Mammy and the Fuzznuts

28 David G Harrington

29 Declan IOM

30 Little Bobby Tables

31 Megage a Tune

32 Buku Chaunery

33 EmKayDeeBee

34 Wizards of Vomit

35 Hand Hammered

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We got a lot of very solid songs this round, with a handful of stand-out pieces. There was only one song I'm rejecting on grounds of not meeting the challenge. If I didn't say much about your song, that's because it was a good song and doesn't have any obvious improvements I wanted to mention. So good job!

It was hard to establish yourself in this cohort singing "This is our band name, and we are a band. We like to work with lyrics and chords." That can be the start of a good song, but I need to hear more. Maybe that's a story about something that happened to you, maybe that's some tight arrangement or lyrical work. A lot of these submissions were good examples of their genre, but didn't really give me a reason to be listening to them over any other song in the same genre.

Still, writing a good song in the space of a week is an achievement in itself.

Dented Bento

Excellent! Your concept is unique, memorable, and well executed. I found myself laughing at the absurdity of it all. The stanky bass and the off beat keys really sell the oddity of your subject matter. It helps that you are so straight laced about it. Good of you to name drop Marie Kondo, but I think the bridge lyrics need another revision. I went in expecting AABB rhyme scheme like the verses. Kondo/trouble is close enough to make me think you had opted for slant rhyme, then it turns out you were doing ABAB. Oops.

Boy on the Wall

What a breath of fresh air! I don't think it's common to hear about the more mundane parts of romance in pop music, and you do a really good job juxtaposing it with this style. In addition to the bridge cameo, your wife's laughter in the background helps sell the piece. The title was a little odd at first blush, I might have gone with something like "I'm Not Your Boyfriend (I Am Your Husband)" to better play off the genre expectations without sounding like Borat.

Melody Klein

This is a very intimate song, with the whispery delivery and the background vocals complimenting the subject matter. Slant rhymes are a great way to give the song an off-the-cuff and personal feeling, I might actually go for more of them here. The instrumentation is very unique, and the build up across the whole six minutes gives plenty to listen to! Slight mismatch between the intensity of the lyrics and the composition; wouldn't you want your lighter hobbies to be earlier, when the song is still building up? Then your sex life when thinks are all revved up.

Sober

The rhythm and texture really grabs me from the start of this song. There is character in your lyrics, your story, and even your singing voice. It lines up really well with your choice of genre, too. I don't really have any improvements to suggest. Good job!

See-Man-Ski

Another one that grabs me immediately. Not only are you introducing yourself, you are engaging with the notion of identity. Certainly something that fits for a man in a mid life crisis. Overall solid, short and to the point.

Vom Vorton

This is a fun and timely piece. It manages not to get too caught up in the lockdown story, and that helps it to sound refreshing. The tongue in cheek reintroduction is pretty relatable. Solid, but doesn't really stand out.

The Dutch Widows

You sound like you've got a strong sense of your band's sound. And it's a nice, classic sound. The song sits more in the background than jumping out. That does fit with your bashful approach to autobiography, but you also stand out less.

Mystery Science Creator 3000

An origin story! The instrumentation is open and spacey, that works. I appreciate the use of the vocal effects to establish the characters. The harmonization at the end does exactly what you need it to do story wise. This leaves me curious to know what other songs an astronaut/cyborg drifting through space would write.

Governing Dynamics

Defiance is a strong attitude for making an introduction, and the tone of the song supports that a lot. I like the line "My name is outlaw." You're drawing on some serviceable cliches to create this rebel figure most people would conceptualize in general. Overall, I'm not sure I really know the specifics of this person by the end of the song.

Good Guy Sôjàbé

Thanks for the pronounciation guide. You're really thinking of your audience there. The crosstalk thing makes for strong energy. Could you go even lower-fi on the interjections? Kinda cute to name drop SpinTunes.

Lichen Throat

The strong 1 2 3 4 fits a song about the King of the Gnomes. There are some places where the singing seems to lose the meter, careful with that. I like the line about stabbing people in the thighs. What kind of pranks does a gnome play on people?

Also in Blue

Wow, that harmony! This is pleasant to listen to. While you do capture the intimacy of an awkward first meeting, that leaves me with no idea about your character besides they're bashful. This piece is weak as a standalone song, but could be stronger in a multi-track work.

Giraffes for Wings

This is a cute song. Earnest. I don't think I've met a toothpick man, but I'm sure they are out there, somewhere, after listening to this. The details you drop give this character ambition and a story, and that helps push this piece above some of the other entries.

Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost

Cool concept, but doesn't this seem tame for a creature of the deep? Gimme those details, are you wanting to burst out and torture humanity? Are you even able to notice our presence? I appreciate your level of detail on the transcript, but prioritize the sound first. Could you make the screech more vocal? Presently, it doesn't sound like a continuation of the lyric. Layer that guitar slide with some ring-modulated growling or something.

Hot Pink Halo

This has an ambitious subject, and I think you do a good job expressing your feelings for your favorite paint. I appreciate the ninja turles reference, but it's two steps removed from your subject. I'm not really sure it adds anything. Your liner notes make Hot Pink Halo out to be a very poetic medium to work with. I think the song would better reflect that if it faded out at 2:40 instead of making one last drive.

Night Sky

Dig that funky sound. I think you've suffered from some metaphor drift. Does this really want to be a song about a bricklayer, or would you rather sing about, say, a sailor, a navigator even? You call yourself a coxswain early on, but then you get back to work laying bricks. This character has some kind of ambition, but I don't know where that ambition points them.

Jon Porobil

I can see where the inspiration for your song elements are coming from, but they don't really cohere. If Jon hasn't hit rock bottom, why is he in a 12 step program? You mention a woman in the final verse, but I don't really get why she's important to you besides the both of you had sex. Are you in your bed at that point, or are you telling this to your program? This is all very personal subject matter, but it's not communicated why any of it is important to Jon or to me.

Boffo Yux Dudes

The autotune tremolo is an interesting sound, but it's not really supported by the rest of the instrumentation. Is it there because you like old technology? Because you're a half step off? Last line: if you've got to choose between grammatical flow and a rhyme, kill the rhyme.

rackwagon

I wasn't expecting PWM after the transition. That was a nice surprise. Some very rich textural work to this song, but the verses after the transition are a slog. You can do straight eighths here, sure, but your accents on each are too strong fit in with the rest of the dreamy arrangement. You even get the stress patterns of some of the lyrics backwards. (Imagine) Despite your claims, I don't think I know who you are now.

Pigfarmer Jr

This is a fine rock song. A bit tongue in cheek. Can you make it a little more so? I think you could highlight the contrast between your fantasy and reality better. Take what's currently the coda, and make it the bridge instead. Electric fantasy, acoustic reality, bam.

Ominous Ride

This is also a fine rock song. There's a lot here that sounds deep on first blush, but doesn't really hold up on examination. I expect these poetic lyrics to be in service of some subject. I can't tell what that is here.

The Brewhouse Sessions

I am rolling my eyes hard at that opening foley, the sound quality is obviously worse than everything that follows. The arrangement is fine, the subject is fine, but nothing really stands out. Could use a little more wordplay, but also the delivery is played too straight. Laugh at your jokes, but use a real laugh.

Regis Michelena

Your entire hook is defining yourself in opposition to Regis Philbin. So when I try to remember anything about you, I mostly remember that you are not some other guy. There's some anecdotes in here, but I'm not sure how they fit together. I liked the ending. Nice and cheeky, and the backup voices are great.

Cavedwellers

The title fits. I perked up when you mentioned mathematics, but then we're immediately putting that aside for bedrooms and caves. Huh? It's a relaxing song sure, but who are you? Are you literally dolphins?

Keen Observer

You have captured the sound of your subject matter. The chorus is actually pretty funny, but the build up is way too long and obvious for the joke to land. As they say, shit or get off the pot.

Jealous Brother

Two minutes already? Crap, we haven't even introduced half the band yet. Better step into high gear.  Poor Jose, you don't get a whole verse, you're just the jelly beans guy now. I'm docking points for the shameless advertising. "We're gonna write you a song" is an odd choice for the second to last lyric you sing.

Yo Mammy and the Fuzznuts

I like the sound of this. Very fuzzy. I can relate to being the last remaining member of a band. Making this out like a live gig helps the intimacy. I'm not left with a very strong image of who you are, though.

David G Harrington

This song needs a lot of support from its cliches. The musical cliches are all pulling their weight. The lyrical cliches are not. I get that you need to have some kind of words there while you build up to the chorus, but not one of the words you've chosen do anything for me. The titular line "Dave is OK" sounds more like "Dave is feeling alright", rather than your stated message, "Dave is not the best and not the worst". What is it that Dave does, exactly?

Declan IOM

This is a weird song about a weird robot. Props there. Story wise, I think you should go more into detail about the tension about the owner's expectations. Sex robots are a topic that comes with some baggage, and that's your major tension here, right? Lean into it, take advantage. A song like this lives or dies by its texture, and I'm just not hearing it in this piece. You could have it build up more over time, or try to give different sounds to different parts of the piece. Anything that makes it more interesting. You've got lots of mid level frequencies. The high end is noticeably absent, and bass will help, too.

Little Bobby Tables

This is a sweet, personal song. The kids in the background help this feel more intimate. One thing, though. You're the one who what, exactly?

Menage a Tune

I can tell that this means a lot to you, and I was interested to hear about your different hobbies. I learned a lot about you on a superficial level. However I want to hear more about why these experiences are important to you, and what your experiences were doing those things. Otherwise, it's just a list to me. What did you find fun about being a soldier? You didn't shoot anybody, did you?

Buku Chauney

Sorry, the sound of these chords keep reminding me of Weird Al's "Pancreas", and how much more fun it would be listening to "Pancreas" instead. You sound loathe to be here, and the details you drop are cloying rather than intimate. Which tells me a bit about you, but doesn't make for that much of a listening experience.

EmKayDeeBee

I like the instrumentation for this piece. These lyrics probably mean a lot to you, but they are way too cliched to really mean anything to me. The composition is good, with the exception of those awful shakers. Do them for real.

The Wizards of Vomit

Kind of a goofy song for kind of a goofy person. I think you can push this a bit further and tell more about the character while committing to only speak in tautologies. What kinds of things do they think are important? Do they have achievements, which are their own, that they are proud of? Is their life a waste, in their own opinion?

HandHammered

You didn't meet the challenge. You even say so in your notes -- it's a song about America, not your persona. Why you decided to role play as the former president and family is beyond me. Could you at least do something more interesting with that choice?