Here are your rankings from Valerie Polichar:
Read on for Valerie's reviews!
General note: No one should feel like my comments below indicate I didn’t think it was a good song — we’re entering the stages where nearly all the songs are good, it’s just a matter of detail and degree, and so the comments may sound more negative because of the need to focus on differentials. Because this contest emphasizes songwriting, I used a weighted rubric where lyrics and music (melody/chords) were each weighted more heavily than concept, arrangement, production and performance. However. on this round, I weighted how well you met the challenge a bit higher than I did on the previous round.
Jeff Walker - Such Good Friends
The song is well produced and arranged and has a smooth and professional sound. The vocals are strong and the chorus melody, in particular, very pleasant. But the lyrics don't do a lot. The song kind of boils down to "My girlfriend has a nice ass, but she may be problematic in some other respects which I haven't really gone into here." And as pretty as the response sounds on "oh ay oh," I'd have preferred to have the friends' voices be the "response" — that is, rather than the "oh ay oh", have it be the "Better let her go." It feels like a wasted opportunity to use the call/response meaningfully. This meets the requirements, but just.
Stacking Theory - Marco Polo
The lo-fi music creates a summery vibe that jibes well with the lyrics. The emotional component of the lyrics is effective and moving, and there are some really good phrases/lines here: "We're jumping in off the fence," "Falling from weekend to weekend / There's a black hole." Clever use of the challenge title to embody the challenge in both a literal and metaphoric way. The harmonies on the chorus are particularly good at creating a sense of foreboding/tension in a gentle way. The "I say polo" response vocals are too low in volume on the chorus; you want it to sound farther away, which can be done with EQ or FX, but not harder to hear. The "don't stay submerged" section is a bit too muddy. The choir-y patch you use in the background in this section adds to the muddiness. Perhaps a different pad would work better here? The delivery scans oddly on "Come... round-to play"/"You'll... hear-me say" (I recognize that this was a choice, it just sticks out uncomfortably to my ear). The song builds power right up to the end, but the final spoken line "Please say Polo to me" is a disappointment, partly because of the group delivery and partly because of the effect that creates, which is a bit, er — whiny. I somehow want to feel the absence of the "polo" response rather than be told about it. Perhaps try one voice, perhaps sung rather than spoken? Something to think about.
Berkeley Social Scene - I Need a Vacation
This is generally a strong set of lyrics. Listeners will be able to relate! You could have taken the opportunity to make the last two chorus repeats a bit different, though, perhaps either suggesting a resolution or doubling down on things getting worse; that would give more of a story to the track. Instrumentation is a bit all over the place (though it is amusing when the electric guitar/bass call/response follows the lyrical desire to "take out my acoustic guitar and play"). The other type of call/response, the vocal one used on the pre-chorus, uses an unexpected vocoder effect (in the context of the other instruments), and on balance the result is fun. The melody on the chorus is particularly fresh; the verses are less memorable. The vocalist has a great David Gedge vibe going on. The song would benefit from more clarity on the vocals in the verses. EQ work to cut out the vocal range from the guitars might help — on the chorus, you're singing in a pause, so it's not a problem, and it sounds reasonably recorded, so this is just a mix/edit issue. There's some ?guitar? sounds that come in towards the end that are hard to identify — they sound like water in pipes gurgling loudly and dogs barking. Not sure what they are or what they are there for. There was clearly an intended effect but it's not getting through, so just sounds messy.
Joy Sitler - First and Prospect
This song is a banger. The drop in instrumentation on v2 is great, and the mandolin solo is gorgeous; bringing in the final verse over the mandolin works really well. The overlapping vox is an appealing take on call/response. The abrupt ending is effective. The chorus lyrics leave something to be desired; might have been interesting to vary them, so there is some arc to the song, as right now it's just carrying the "I'm not sure where I am" message, and "where are you?" "I don't know" isn't the most powerful couplet to repeat so many times. That said, the verse lyrics are great — fresh and original (maybe except for the Indigo Girls callback of the last verse). The mix and performance are generally good, with the caveat that having the lead vocals at full force the whole time is a bit much. Taking the intensity down a notch for one or more of the verses would add shape and impact.
glennny - The Alaskan Camper
Wah-wah guitar(?) is a great sound (though it may be slightly overused on this track). Vocals are nice and clear this time, and sound good in the arrangement. The use of instrumentation as well as vox to execute the call/response is a good choice. The song is catchy and the melody is fresh. Parallelling the vocal melody with the guitars is a fun choice. The lyrics are generally well done, but "Parked right in front of my home" always seems crammed into the space when you come to it. There are a couple of spots where the guitar seems off compared to what the vocal is doing, esp. 3:17-3:25. It may not actually be playing a wrong key/note, but the choices grate a little. The vocals are good but there are a couple of spots where pitch correction might be worthwhile, e.g. on the lead voc on the final chorus, just for that professional polish.
Cheslain - Stranger Danger
Great sound and style. The slightly overdriven sound on the vocals here is a good choice. The deceptively rough sound of the mix suits the song, but each instrument and vocal line is audible and distinguishable. The call/response on the chorus fits the bluesy style of the song. The variable rhyming scheme adds interest and sophistication to what at first seem like fairly simple lyrics. The lyrics are mostly effective — the whole first stanza is a strong lead-in, but you waste some lyrical space with lightweight phrases like "have no fear, have no doubt". "The things your heart / yearns the most" isn't quite correct (should be "yearns for the most," which doesn't scan) — maybe try "craves the most"? "Price"/"disguise" don't really rhyme, and in such a carefully rhymed song that is noticeable. "We only wish well" is a line that seems stuck in there because it rhymes rather than making good sense in the song. But this song does an excellent job of evoking a dark bar, the kind with sticky tables and a dirty floor, and the idea of a handsome dangerous man drifting through and damaging lives.
The Pannacotta Army - Can’t Do Nothing
How much fun is this?! Nice to hear an instrumental call/response in addition to the vocal one! Appealingly authentic vintage sound. Amusing lyrics. The instrumentation is great, totally tight, and the solo is delightful. The percussion is terrific — handclaps on the solo work well too. "School" doesn't really rhyme with "ineffectual," no matter how you pronounce it. Honestly, otherwise, can't find much to criticize on this track. It's not deep, but it's not intended to be, and it is catchy as all get out. An infectiously pleasing track.
See-Man-Ski - All For You
The keys/perc intro is a great start. It's a novel concept ("don't hurry in love") and I'd like to see it borne out more in very specific lyrics. That said, some of the lyrics are very fresh, e.g. "so I lay out the path with a gold coloured marker / and give you a reason to follow its trail," and the whole last verse is amusing. The melody on the chorus is memorable and appealing. The stretching-out of "nice" in the second verse is awkward (and not worth it for such a lightweight word). Pick something stronger and multi-syllable? Same problem with "on" in "place my heart on a plate." It's not the right word to emphasize. Throughout the song, the background vocals are fighting with the lead. They're not tight, and in some sections it's unclear whether the background vocals are singing the same lyrics with a countermelody or some other lyric with the same or a countermelody. It just sounds sloppy rather than effective; but it could easily be made to work with a little more time and attention. The application of the challenge here is pretty weak, if it’s here at all: this isn't a "prominent and creative use of call/response."
Ironbark - Last Call
The sonics here are lovely but also effectively bring the "feel" of space travel. The idea is terrific, especially utilizing different-sized rests to denote distance. The orchestral static/pause cycles at the end are exquisite. The lyrics are generally good, but these lines are exquisite: "we are gently destroyed / little waves in the void / losing strength till our signal makes peace with the noise." With an explicitly call/response challenge, it's pleasing to both hear instruments responding to vocals as well as vocals responding to vocals, here, but it might have been even more interesting to have the call and response include the 'response' from Earth — this feels a bit like one-way communication. This track reminds me (in the best way) of Emphemetry's obscure and gorgeous cover of Hum's "Apollo," but it does more. Impressive.
Chamomileon - Cool Kona Breeze
Solid use of challenge to respond instrumentally to the vox and to other instruments. The idea of the song is fairly fresh, and the listener can certainly sympathize. But the lyrics never quite engage fully. That may be because it's difficult to convey the concept of "boredom" in a truly captivating way! One way to make it work might be to bring in more humor. You also have some wasted lyrics: "Children yelling faintly / Empty hallways" sets the scene in a very broad way, but they don't do much to connect, and "Numbers have no meaning / They say" again doesn't really say very much. Make each phrase punch if possible! "Throat dry from the AC" and "So I can go to the beach" both scan clumsily and could be phrased slightly differently so they flow more smoothly. Not a huge deal, but it might be nice to see the call/response tied into the story of the song somehow. A legal dispute inherently involves a call and a response, but we don't actually hear that in this track.
▷ - Brain Brain
Love just about everything about this: the sound, the bleep-bloops, the phat bass on "Brain, brain." The concept of a convo with one's own brain is executed in an original way and very cleverly. Good use of the call/response for an internal conversation, and the variety of vocal/vocal and instrument/vocal call/response. The melody is interesting and unconventional, and the interaction between spoken and sung lyrics is effective. The two voices in the brain-to-brain conversation are well distinguished, and the move to having the "brain" speak in bloops is genius. The song is relatable while also being very funny — "I don't get how I function" made me laugh out loud. The 5/4 time signature gives the song a jazzy, active feel. You could probably back off just slightly on the reverb/echo on the lead spoken voice, and the mix on the "brain, brain" harmonies might need a little tweaking (maybe up the higher harmony lines just slightly, or fiddle with EQ for better distinction) for clarity and punch. But all in all, an extremely successful song, very fresh and original.
The Moon Bureau - Never Knew
There are some clever lyrics in here ("Knew me better than I knew myself /That still wasn’t very well", "It was breaking, I was broken, there was nothing left to save") and a good use of lyrical call/response to tell a story. Bringing the voices together for the "We both.." section is effective. The beat is catchy and, when it can be discerned, the guitar work is good. But the melody repetition towards the end is more strident than appealing. The lyrics really let you down towards the end as well. "But vacant hearts and aimless days/Seed bitter thoughts when they pervade" is structurally awkward, doesn't really make much sense, and sounds like a failed rhyme (even if unintended, the way it's phrased, we want 'days'/'pervade''erase' to rhyme, and they don't, although they are assonant). Initial riff sounds a bit too much like "Born to Run." Some of the instruments sound quite distant and muddied, as does the lead vocal (by a lot). The response vocal and some of the drums are placed unnaturally close to the listener by comparison. This could be partly caused by a variety of FX/reverbs on the different vox/instruments, or could be volume, or a combo.
The Dutch Widows - Johnny Roadhouse
The melody on the chorus, along with the great harmonies there, is lovely. The chord progression on the verses is good and makes a nice contrast with the chorus, but the melody is less engaging here. The lyrics tell an interesting story, but the lyric call/response doesn't really serve the song. And speaking of that: yes, you have a lyrical call/response, but the degree of vocal separation between call and response is very small if it's even there at all (I think there's an additional vocal line on the response, but it's very soft). This is only the most minimally acceptable interpretation of call/response, which is quite disappointing. The arrangement and production on this could be a bit cleaner. Part of the issue is that the vocals and instruments inhabit some of the same frequency space and sort of blend together; a little EQ work to cut notches out of the instruments might help. But the vocals could also stand to be louder.
chewmeupspitmeout - Nobody likes a Purist
The song meets the challenge both with instrumental and vocal call/response, and the harmony response has a distinct sound. The lyrics aren't bad, but the song could lean harder into humor for effectiveness, and/or go the other direction and arouse some empathy in the listener. Right now, it's not making much of a connection one way or the other. The lyrics are also a bit repetitive for a song that's relatively short; that makes the song feel longer than it is. The instrumentation is kind of all over the place on this; it doesn't gel. The organ and bass, despite creating a call/response, don't go together well, and when the electric guitar comes in, it feels like three different songs. The percussion sounds dry. But disparate instrumental choices can be made to work well with FX and EQ, and if you want to keep the organ, in particular, some mix work might help. The vocal is a bit pitchy and the background vocals don't have a consistent volume — they fade in and out here and there.
The Alleviators - Hear Me Out
The music here is kind of gorgeous, and the two voices work really well together. Percussion moves the song forward effectively, the intro followed by the dropback to just bass at the start of the verse is nice and spotlights the lovely female vox. Good concept to use the call/response to both lyrically and conceptually discuss two people not listening to/hearing each other. The final riffs around "if you could just hear me out" are lovely; the song could use more of that. Lyrically the song is more of a mix. There are some strong passages, e.g. "What do you mean I don't try / What do you think I've been doing / All this time." (Oof!) But then there are parts when you smash a number of clichés/tired phrases together in a row, e.g. "time is running out for us // I don't know what you want from me / Been pulling all of my punches / The game is up." (Think you actually sang "the ruse is up," though, which is slightly better.) The bridge is a little dull arrangement- and melody-wise — you could do more with it, and maybe even cut it in half. The vox are both a little low in the mix, and the male vocal needs either volume or EQ work to survive in the mix. Overall, the song is a bit long for the concept and could lose half the bridge and even half of the last chorus pretty painlessly. But it’s very pretty, and it’s nearly there.
Hot Pink Halo - Looking At You
The lyrics on this track provide a cutting look at what it feels like to throw everything into a project and have it tossed aside almost trivially. The arrangement does a good job of providing interesting contrasts and distinct sections. For example, the "call" is provided in a soft and delicate vocal, while the "response" is gravelly and dismissive; there's a distinct instrumentation difference between the verses, pre-chorus and chorus/"response". The track is warm-toned and bass-illuminated, making the nearly-shouted "response" that much more abrasive (in a good way). The handclap sound that comes on around 0:36 is very far forward, and tends to take over the attention of the listener in a distracting way that extends through the balance of the song. Softening it with EQ, volume or reverb would help it sit better in the mix. Most of the lyrics are very strong, but the stanza that begins "I knew a man once" could be more powerful — the language seems simplified and stilted compared with the rest of the song — though it does convey the motivation for "putting one's self out there," so don't lose that.
Governing Dynamics - Feverishness
A very Pink-Floyd-y tone to the arrangement which is quite appealing, as is the contrast with the fuzzy chorus. The shifts in style and feel are sophisticated and effective. The lyrics are original and interesting. The mix sounds good; the vocals could be a little higher in the mix, but to some extent that's a stylistic choice, and this sounds professional and considered. The occasional scansion and strange emphasis on the lyrics to fit them into the melody is awkward. Stressing the "ish" on "feverishness," the "be" on "If I'm gonna be sold a lie" and the "it" on "I'd rather buy it from than you" sticks out. "I don't remember" and "maybe we believe it eventually" sound a bit crammed into the line. A lyric edit or even a slight shift in vocal delivery could fix all of this. Regarding the challenge, it doesn't really seem like the vocal call/response is actually a conversation; it just seems like you panned it to make it meet the challenge. That feels a little bit like a lost opportunity, though the guitar call/response is attractive and well executed.
Eric Baer - We Work Together
It's a novel topic and a nice message, and the lyrics have a classic folk quality to them. "We might squabble, we might whine" is a great phrase. Still, it would have been interesting to see some kind of twist or more of a story here. The instrumentation seems appropriate for the style, and the choice of harmonies is solid. But there are some bumpy bits. The lyrics don't always scan well. "But when there's so much on the line" feels jammed in, and "no one is alone" feels unnaturally short. The banjo solo feels rough, and also as though it's straining to keep up with the speed of the track. The harmony/second line of vocals isn't tight with the lead, adding to the messy sound. My biggest concern with this track is regarding the challenge: I don't hear any "prominent and creative use of call/response". I don't actually hear any call/response at all, though I may be missing something (the repeated line of lyrics in each verse does not count as a call/response, both lines are sung by the same vocalist(s)).
Sober - The Morning Call
The instrumentation is well executed and well chosen, propelling the song along. Nice use of harmony on the call/response. Strong lyrics on the chorus make the point of song. Catchy music. Interesting topic and sharp social point. The lyrics on the verses are less deft. "Is the circumstance of birthplace something real" is a mouthful crammed into a short line, "Could you imagine yourself standing in their eye" comes out as convoluted imagery, and "Two roads diverge where borders lie" leans on an allusion to say little. The use of call/response is fine, but doesn't obviously relate to the lyrics (if it's intended to connect to the call/response of prayer, it doesn't make that connection effectively enough). All that said, it's a foot-tapper of a tune.
Dream Bells - Sugar Plums (Just Enough)
This track has a beautiful sound, and the vocal/bell call/response, if minimal, is pretty and tracks well with the song's concept, which itself feels fresh. The lyrics are novel, if a bit opaque; I can accept the poetic license here. "Years become ruins of all you said we’d be / still, the sun lights a path you never see" is a strong opening. "Cause you still know" seems like a phrase stuck in to complete the line, without really meaning anything in the context of the prior or subsequent phrases. The initial build of the song and the drop on "where the birds sing" is very effective. But there's not a lot of shape or differentiation of the verse vs chorus. Partly this is because you use the same chords for the verses and chorus; partly it's because of the sameness of the texture/ambience. Exploring different chords for the verses (even with the same melody) might be interesting. It might also be worth seeing what happens if you alter any of the texture or FX a bit more to delineate the sections more; however, understand that the style of music you are creating leans on the continuous feel, and wouldn't want you to do so much as to disrupt that.
Temnere - Sons Of The North
The drums are super-tight and deft, and the overall sound is strong. The song's idea/theme is an appealing one, and the vocalist(s) do a good job of presenting it in a compelling manner. Excellent guitar work. The initial keyboard 'call' and electric guitar 'response' is interesting, though it's not clear that keyboard sound really goes with the rest of the sound of the song. That and the final "row (row)" seems to be the only use of the challenge, which feels a bit minimal for a song where call/response was meant to be "prominent and creative". Lyrically, the song has a lot of clichés and tired phrases ("running the clock out, passed by in the race," "a purpose, a calling,… labour of love," "endless tide") in between more appealing ones ("yearning to be at the whims of the sea") — bit of a mixed bag.
Winterloper - I Keep Calling
Nice use of thematic call/response in the lyrics, instrumental call/response, and vocal/instrumental call/response. The harmonies are impressive, lovely and loungey, and I like the chord progressions and changing time signatures — there's a sophisticated sound to this. You've got a great setup for a song here, but unfortunately, the song never really happens/goes anywhere. It lives up to the brief lyrics, in that it repeats and repeats and repeats, but the novelty of that concept grows old quickly. The piano tones are a little bangy, and the horns are too far in the background. Lot of promise that doesn't get delivered on.
Falcon Artist - Up the Hill [SHADOW]
The vocal is more audible than your previous submission, though now it sounds overdriven (possibly too close to the mic) — the challenge of recording without a full setup, of course. The chorus of the song is particularly compelling, but it also sounds a bit too close to Pete Townshend's "Keep on Working." More of a story would be nice; there's not much to this. You could have the final stanza include a call to battle (so they're not just going up the hill "to get fit") for more drama. The call/response isn’t really present except as repetition, so technically this doesn't really meet the challenge or only very marginally so. The folk-style strum is nicely rhythmic, but once again the guitar needs better tuning.
Siebass & the Fingerlings - Bowser and Kirby Got Married [SHADOW]
Lots of shape and variation in this, which is how you get away with a very repetitive chorus. Especially like the bassy chorus. The changing of speed, rhythm, etc throughout keeps the listener's attention. The lyrics are funny and the rhyming scheme, minimal as it is, is fine, but using "'explain a lot" and "seems like a lot" in one verse catches the ear. This has a style that feels like a kid's version of "we're not gonna take it," which you completely embrace in the bridge — satisfying, but only because it sounds intentional. The phone recording is *chef's kiss*. Kids who know the characters will love the song, but so will adults, partly beause of the phone recording inclusion and partly because of the shape, variation and skill of the song.
Menage a Tune - Little Red Antiphon [SHADOW]
Classic children's folk-song material. The story is fun, and the execution in various "voices" establishes the call/response as well as being entertaining for the listener. It's well "acted." The vocal isn't always perfectly on key, but that's less critical for a song like this, where the goal is to tell a story. Although we as adult listeners expect the denouement, it is nonetheless amusing.
West of Vine - (Baby I’m) Drunk [SHADOW]
The first two lines of the song are instant classics. The other two verses are a bit less deft, and the rhythm of the words could be better. "We can drink by the Ohio, smoke a pack on the Blue Ridge" is great, though, and the chorus is fun lyrically as well. Slowing the second chorus is effective and adds interest. More variation in the arrangement would be better, especially in the percussion. Leaving the guitar and drums the same for line after line makes it bang on the ear in a way that variation would alleviate. The guitar solo is enjoyable, and the call/response on the verse has that great drunk-bar-crowd feel. The vocal sounds a hair dry in the mix, and the mix overall feels both bass- and treble-high; it's a little harsh on the ear and it's a little muddy. The track has very much a sing-along chorus, and I can see it becoming a routine favorite for a band's regular gigs.
Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Dead by December [SHADOW]
Nicely novel guitar/drum call/response intro. Good concept — the song can be heard as being about Jesus or about anyone who doesn't fit in and is either literally (perhaps by suicide) or figuratively or socially "dead." The variation of panning to create a sort of self call/response on the verse is interesting, while the "shame, shame, shame" on the chorus is a bit more of a conventional call/response. Good mix of approaches to meet the challenge. The lyrics are very well-crafted and a strong point. The harmony on the chorus is slightly pitchy but the harmonic interval chosen is interesting — the combo gives it a kind of X feel (the band, not the recently renamed socmed!). The omnichord softens the sound on the chorus, a good contrast to the semi-shouted verses. But the semi-shouting combined with the paucity of melodic variation on the song wears on the ears after a while; some varied instrumentation on the different verses might help with that impact. The final "can I come home" section is unnecessary and the "no"s are rather far forward — consider cutting that.
No comments:
Post a Comment