Here are your rankings from Valerie Polichar:
Read on for Valerie's reviews!
All of these songs had some great stuff in them. All were flawed. Obviously, writing a rondo in a week while still creating a song that, either by lyrics or music or both, connects to the audience is no small ask, and everyone here, yes, everyone, even if I rated you last or put a lot of criticisms in, deserves to be proud of your work. I listened to every track at least six times, and that close listening will always yield nitpicks. But I also enjoyed listening to all of these songs, and I think you are all terrific musicians. I’ll be keeping an eye out to see what you’ve done before and what you do next.
I used a rubric (which again, because this is a songwriting contest, weighted music and lyrics more heavily than production, arrangement, performance etc). But that rubric came up with a couple of many-way ties, so I had to sort it out by hand. In the end, what I found myself looking for was connection. Like writing, which can be private (e.g. a diary, or the poetry you never show anyone), once you launch it into the world, a song is a communication of sorts. To be effective, it needs to land emotionally in some way. It can do that through humor or wisdom or emotion or just the gut impact of certain chord progressions (which, of course, can vary between cultures, making true musical transcendence hard). Musical connection doesn’t have to be a gut punch — it can evoke joy, delight, identification, a wince of recognition. It can make your toe tap unstoppably, or give you the urge to sing or cry. There were a lot of clever songs here, but that by itself was insufficient for me. My top songs all connected hard for me*, either musically, lyrically, or both. That’s not to say the others didn’t connect at all, but in the end, the degree of connection made a difference. I’m not always good at thinking through the connection aspect of my own songwriting, and judging this contest will have an impact on how I work in the future. (* everyone’s mileage may vary, which is why there are five judges!)
By the way, I’m happy to answer any questions you might have about my reviews (feel free to PM me), and of course you’ll disagree with some aspects of what I’ve said. As you should! It’s your song. But if you do edit or revise a song based on what (any) judge has said in any round, I’ll be right there to listen to your new version, so please share it.
First, a brief look at my top 4:
glennny - Put Your Hands Up
WHY IT’S GREAT: super clever + super infectious (whole audience will be singing the chorus!)
WHERE IT’S WEAK: leans hard on spoken verses, so less verse melody
Joy Sitler - The Front Bottoms
WHY IT’S GREAT: real, vulnerable emotion clothed in catchy music with connectable lyrics
WHERE IT’S WEAK: emphasizing the wrong parts of the song
The Pannacotta Army - This Can’t Be Love
WHY IT’S GREAT: catchy, joyful music + near-perfect execution
WHERE IT’S WEAK: lyrics are missing the motivation
The Alleviators - A Trick of the Light
WHY IT’S GREAT: emotional connection created by both lyrics and music
WHERE IT’S WEAK: needs a haircut
The Pannacotta Army - This Can’t Be Love — The instrumentation, melody and even a bit of the mood on the different sections is varied, while still mostly hanging together as a single song, though there is a change in the mix (percussion and FX on the vox, I think?) on "Suddenly the truth..." which creates a sound a little too muddy to go with the rest. The melody is delightful, and the touch of harmony on places like "I'm not afraid to listen…" is lovely. Performance of all aspects of the song is spot on and the song is appealing. The rhymes are a little suspect: I don't really love "movin'"/"delusion" and "got it"/"logic" even as assonance. Though the lyrics are fun and describe "the way love is supposed to feel" vs the reality of the protagonist successfully, there's a distinct lack of the person who's inspired this emotion in the song. The listener has no sense of the being who has thrown the protagonist's sense of their feelings so out of whack. There's something a little insufficient about a love song with no beloved. The abrupt ending seems random and doesn't serve the song here. That said, the music has a great sense of joy, the song is catchy and danceable, and the overall effect is very enjoyable.
Stacking Theory - The Ballad of the Black Hole Brothers — The chorus hits with a huge Pink Floydian sock in the gut (in a good way). The harmony, and the wide pan of the two vocals, is just gorgeous. The chorus lyrics have a classic feel while still being very fresh, but the verses are more variable. The rawness of the vocals serve the song well, and the abrupt ending works on this track. The verse lyrics are more variable. There's something a little odd about the interleaving of the mundane "hairstyle" and "way you guided a ball to a racquet" (er, surely that one should be the other way around?) with the serious "I wish I had the vision you had / I wish that I had your strength." "I celebrate the choices you made / and the growth from the seeds you have sown" sounds oddly formal against the rest of the song. It can be a little hard to understand the "spinning in the same black hole" (if it means depression, which it sounds like it does) in the context of the verse lyrics. The final chorus doesn't make sense coming on the heels of the broadly positive final verse; perhaps the lyrics should be changed? OR is the black hole they're spinning around in now their mortality — and if that's the case, you need to be more explicit about that.
Joy Sitler - The Front Bottoms — Solid Midwest emo! This track has the energy variation that your last track needed, mostly well distributed. Although your instrumentation is sparse (more on that in a moment), you've deployed it well, so that the different sections of the song are distinguished. The lyrics are both up to the minute and poignant, well balanced. The occasional pitchiness of the vocals is within the standard for this genre. Great application of the rondo form as a seamless track. A couple adjustments to the energy variation would help make the song land with greater vigor. (1) The second most powerful section of the song is the one that starts "But I can't remember the last time I spent my weekend outside the apartment;" your energy/volume should ideally drop back a little on the final phrase "I also miss Modern Baseball" to make that peak stand out. (2) The Midwest emo chorus as written is not the emotional peak of the song, so for balance this whole section could be a little quieter. That would let you really pull out all the stops on "So why am I stuck living in the past?" (which IS the emotional peak) and gain the value of the contrast. Incidentally (and, to be clear, I didn't take off any points for this), given more time to work on this, a more fleshed-out arrangement would be great — you are having to carry a lot of the shape of the song in your vocals; bass and drums would help.
Cheslain - Not Losing Sleep — The funky intro guitar is very appealing. You manage to keep the '60s feel of the song through a number of musical variations in the verse sections: commendable. The second verse is particularly lovely, and the final instrumental "verse" is an appealing shift in sound. (This technically meets the challenge — we probably should have specified that we wanted different lyrics for the different verses.) The lyrical concept is good, but "morons fighting dimwits" has the effect of pushing away your listener, and you lose the connection you were building. It's also a bit of a cop-out; there are better ways to phrase a frustration with both sides in an argument than calling them names. The doubled vocals on the chorus make it tougher to understand the words. Tightening the sync between the two voices might help, as might pulling back on FX and maybe some EQ work (your voice is perfectly clear when solo, and sounds beautiful there, especially on the second verse). It's a novel choice to end on a guitar solo as your third “verse,” but the abrupt ending doesn't do you any favors, as the song actually sounds accidentally cut off. (Also, fwiw, the intro riff is more compelling than the outro solo.)
▷ - Found No One — A lot of great sounds in this, and a compelling mix that makes interesting use of panning. But because there's not a whole lot of melody, and not a large variety of sounds, most of the variation between sections leans on spoken word. Unfortunately, the lyrics are repetitive and, because they don't really pose the situation ('found no one') as a mystery, nor as humorous, nor explore possible reasons for it (to name but three possible ways to connect), they don't engage the listener. There's not much to hang on to or relate to (unlike, for example, your last entry). The track meets the rondo requirement, and has some fun to it, but it would have been nice to see more richness in sound and word.
The Moon Bureau - Turn Around Again —The verse lyrics are bright and, for an old story, fresh. The whole first verse, the phrase "My insufficient charm" in the second, "lately the vibe is off but i can feel it creeping back again" in the third — lots of great stuff here. That '80s pop feel you have running through this is very pleasant to listen to. But placing the harmony vocal so far off to one side is weirdly disconcerting; it sounds like someone is standing offstage and yelling the harmony from there, and it prevents the blend that would get you the most mileage out of the harmony. It also makes the harmony sound pitchy or off in spots in the third verse. At the end of the solo right before verse three, the guitar note is held at full volume too long and it fights with "Baby the lights are off." The verses do have the rondo-required variation from each other, but they don't have a lot of internal melodic variation, so they drag a little; much of the sung melody transits just 3 notes. It makes the song a little over-samey. Ending the song with the little jangling bells is very pretty.
The Alleviators - A Trick of the Light — This track is proof that one can employ the rondo form to create a rock/pop track that reads as completely "normal" (not a slur!)— there is no strain to move between the different sections, even with the fairly major shift in Episode 3, and the feel is consistent and well executed. The music is appealing and very catchy, and the arrangement is generally well balanced, with a good build at the start that pulls into the song effectively. The emotion in Episode 2 is very engaging. The outro of the song is effective (and Robin's quote made me laugh). Lyrics and 'story' of the song are strong. Good power in this track. Your voices always sound great together, and the combination of vocals/doubles/harmonies sounds terrific, but there are a number of places where it's not tightly sync'd, and for the effect you're going for, tightness (especially between the male and female voc) is critical. The female voice on the verses is a bit low in the mix in relation to the guitar, and the (I think? Left side) male voice sticks out slightly on the second repeat of the chorus and in Episode 3. The song isn't a long one, but nonetheless Episode 1 feels a bit too long — maybe because you aren't saying enough to justify the length. While the consistency of the track is admirable, more energy on the chorus repeats (the first one is perfect as is) would provide additional shape to the song. These small sync and mix details are probably (as with your previous tracks) the product of having to produce a song with multiple people in a single week; a few bits re-recorded and a longer time to spend on the mix would raise this to "radio single" level.
Hot Pink Halo - Exquisite Norks — Funny title. The variation of time signature and key adds extra spiciness to the rondo form here. Generally skillful job blending these disparate verses and choruses together into a cohesive piece! The lyrics are pointed, but may not make sense without the intro (not necessarily a problem). But by assuming your audience will get what's going on, you are also assuming they'll come along with you on the attitude of the chorus. That’s more challenging, since we’re learning the story as we listen. We're there by the end ("The kind of fun where we make fun / Of women having fun!" works well to tick us off!), but earlier on, it's tougher to buy in to the vehemence of the chorus. The stretchout of "-fore" ("before" in the chorus) is awkward. There are a lot of sounds/riffs/licks that appear and disappear very quickly, almost before they're completely grasped. This in some places works to illustrate a phrase, but in others feels like a missed opportunity or a bit of a grab-bag-throw-it-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks. One example: right after "and make it bad" there's an arpeggiated riff that might be interesting to stay with/explore longer; as briefly as it appears, it just sounds messy. On the plus side, the little register ding at "ca-ching!" is a very effective touch. Despite those notes, you've packed a lot into a short song here — impressive.
Ironbark - Insignificant — The contrast of your mellow voice with the bleepy/bloopy electronic accompaniment is fresh and unexpected. The cheerful, playful music makes a good background to the contemplative-yet-amusing lyrics, though it's almost too playful in points. The track reads a bit like a kid's song, but these aren't really kid's song lyrics, and there are points (D) where the instrumentation leans a bit too hard on the comical/childlike, while other sections (C, the bridge) hit at a good level for the adult novelty-yet-actually-serious song that it is. The final stanza is terrific, but the abrupt ending is a choice that may not serve the message (giving another measure or two for your words to be fully digested might be worthwhile).
Governing Dynamics - Aura — The intro guitar riff is attractive and the overall sound is pleasant — reminiscent of Paul Westerberg. The fuzz guitar response in the first verse, and the solo after "even try," are nice details. But because the melody in the (fairly long) chorus is repetitive and the melody in the verses relatively undistinguished, with only the octave raise to add interest, the song drags more than it should. The last verse is the strongest, lyrically and melodically. The vocals sound a bit sloppy here and there, pitch- and phrasing-wise. Putting aside the problematic nature of the lyrics (a song of adoration and suffering/abuse — even if metaphorical — is hard to pull off), there are some weak phrases here: "It would be unfair to deal out any blaming" is awkward, "With the fondest of goodbyes" sounds a little silly in the middle of a very serious stanza, and "I didn't feel the time passing by" seems anticlimactic after the talk of wounds and bruises. However, the "let me sleep" ending is a good choice and winds the song up effectively.
glennny - Put Your Hands Up — The harmonies (esp. in the "reach for the sky" response) are glorious and immediately infectious. The concept of this track is extremely clever and amusing. Varying the chorus vocal treatment from iteration to iteration is a great way to keep it from getting old, but it would have been nice to have a bit more melody on the 2nd and 3rd verses. Still, the half-spoken verses do work to tell the stories, and make a contrast with the more musical choruses. The final repeat of the chorus using the original vocal treatment ties a nice bow on the track, and the ultimate funky solo is a novel and interesting way to end the song. There are a couple of places where the vocal sounds just a bit off, most notably "I know you know why" on the penultimate chorus repeat. While the final instrumental section is great, the guitar solo earlier in the song is on the weak side. All in all, a very clever and catchy interpretation of the rondo requirement.
Temnere - Voyage Home — Lyrics economically tell the story, and the unusual topic is appealing. The multi-tracking on "unite as one voice" is great. Strong use of the rondo form to give voice to different elements of the story. Guitar flourishes, such as after "on my way" and "all escape," sound good, as does the decision to double the vocal with guitar on the chorus. Dissolve into synth notes on the last verse very effective. Instrumentation is well executed and this track has a well balanced arrangement. The Janeway quote in the final verse works, but would work better if it were a much smaller excerpt. Increasing the volume of the instrumentation around it helps somewhat, but it loses effectiveness in song form by going on and on, and the song ends on a low-energy note, an opportunity wasted after the high energy of the choruses and the poignancy of the start of the Janeway monologue. You could probably cut off a good 45 seconds of this, end on a strong note, and have a much more powerful song. Despite suggesting you cut the monologue, this is probably the only part of the song that makes a strong emotional connection. That's a concern; your impact leans too hard on someone else's words or delivery, and that's a weakness you may want to think about. You could tell the story in a way that connects without that lean.
Sober - Greater than the Sum — The lyrics of the 'verses' are powerful and relatable, though the connection between the first two verses and the final verse isn't made explicit in the song and remains, hence, unclear. The decision to change the mix style gradually of the three verses is an interesting 'add' to the rondo requirements and could prove quite effective, though it's offset by keeping the style fixed on the chorus. This makes the chorus increasingly jarring as the song goes on. It might be worth seeing what happens if you change the speed and the mix style of the chorus as you go, too, while keeping the melody/chords/lyrics the same. The instrumentation is highly enjoyable, even though it was apparently hard work — it does not sound effortful or awkward. The lyrics of the chorus aren't quite as effective, partly because of the "sun"/"sum" juxtaposition which feels like it wants to be a rhyme, but isn't, and partly because they lean on some tireder phrases. And there's something about the vocal treatment on the chorus (is it a slight slapback or maybe a little echo?) that makes the vocal sound farther away/slightly more 'produced' than the other instruments. It's a subtle thing but it would cohere better if adjusted.
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