Joy Sitler - Makeshift Rorschach Test — The guitar on this is absolutely excellent, very compelling, and the build on the song, the slow add of instruments and density, really adds to the quality and professional feel. It feels like you’ve taken in the various comments along the way in this contest, and your songs are just getting more and more pro-sounding! Minor issue: there’s something about the very low tone that booms in at “mind” that is almost too boom-y for comfort, but adding in the bass end is good in general and maybe it just needs a hair of EQ. The drop at “So here I lay” is spot on. The melody (which of course repeats throughout the song) isn’t the most original-sounding, but it is hook-y, and the well-developed build is key to making this work. The lyrics are strong, even though I’m not completely sold on “fallen out of love” as the kind of fall that generates this much impact. I admit I’d love for the final line to have the same syllables/stress as the previous ones (basically, variations on anapestic trimeter) — instead, you’re effectively holding “fall-” and “out” for two beats each, and I think that makes it lose some punch. Basically, put a couple more syllables in there and it’ll punch harder. (Still, I fully agree with the decision to make the final line the reveal of what kind of “fall” this is.)
By the way, because of the general anapestic trimeter, I inadvertently realized you can sing Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” (which is also imperfectly anapestic trimeter) to the tune of your song. Sorry.
Ironbark - El Ultimo Toro — The incorporation of a flamenco chord progression into that of a folk standard is masterful. So, too, is the seamless metaphor between the bullfight arena and the relationship between father and son — this shouldn’t work, but it does, and it’s very moving and surprisingly relatable. In general the lyrics are excellent, though I remain unconvinced that the “saturn devouring his son” verse is relevant enough to keep. I don’t think it would hurt to make that verse shorter (keep the “tell my son to take the best of me / and throw the rest away” stanza!), as the song is on the long side. The countermelody that comes in with the “maria” verse is lovely. The mix of instruments is effective, and there is increased complexity as the song moves on, but it would be interesting to play with the dominance of the different instruments to ensure that the bass guitar arpeggio doesn’t become a drone. You do this a little bit on the last verse, but more, earlier, would be worthwhile. A bit more percussion variation would also be welcome. The outro is fun but could be shorter. The novelty and effectiveness of the metaphor and story here coupled with a strong melody and lyrics make this a powerful song.
The Alleviators - Sarah’s Basement — The guitars are great, but a ‘hookier’ intro would be a nice add. Beka’s voice is terrific. It’s a thrill every time she jumps up to “Finally faced it.” The lyrics tell a compelling and half-familiar story in a novel way, and there are some really punchy lines, e.g. “I’m too young to decide / We’re both too drunk and too damn shy” and “You're my kind of my mess, my best mistake.” I’m missing what “You gave me your snap back” means (are you talking about a hat? Oof, I feel old), but I like the half-giggle on the next line. Good use of the bridge lyrics to set up possible futures — I like a bridge used to create a turn in the song or a side exploration, and this is just the way to leverage it. The final chord is the perfect ending spot. I don’t have a lot of notes on this one because it feels fairly fully-formed.
glennny - Leaky Pipes — Your voice sounds lovely and smooth on this, and the instrumentation is well blended and effective. There’s a certain kind of ‘80s pop sound here that really works, reminiscent of Aztec Camera. Melodies are strong (the bridge may be the weakest bit, as it’s not memorable melodically, but the lyrics are spot on). The lyrics are a bit of a mix, some stronger (“Our discussion becomes a mushroom cloud,” “A catalyst that we both missed / Turned all that metal into rust,” “We discuss with disgust / Winding down but all wound up”) and some weaker (first verse). Not fond of the repetition of metal turning to rust. The analogy of the water leak to the relationship is effective. Guitar duo post-bridge is very pretty, and following it with the electric solo is good (maybe back the acoustic down during that section?). The call/response on the chorus is super-catchy. Outro is lovely too.
SHADOWS:
Falcon Artist - The Lost Dog — The off-key guitar makes the song challenging to listen to — strongly recommend a tuner to help you get the best impression from your work. The changing time signatures give the song pleasant folky variation, as does the movement from minor to modal to major keys. There are places where your emphasis in a phrase feels off, and/or you’re trying to cram too many syllables into a line, e.g. “looked out into my back garden to see,” the stress of “-sie” on “to look for my dog Lassie,” “where my dog Lassie had gone” (“where my dog had gone” would scan perfectly there!), etc. “The forest that was evergreen” is an awkward phrase. We love the happy denouement, but it would be nice for the bridge to have a totally new chord progression and melody to musically convey the change in tale! Great outro with the repetition of “the lost dog,” winds up the story well.
The Pannacotta Army - Black Swan — Love the intro and its build, and the little guitar hook in it. The tight harmony vox and the arpeggios on the chorus are perfect and make the chorus really punch. The subtle guitar responses in the second verse are a nice touch. Good drop after the second chorus and the idea of the instrumental bridge is great, though there’s something in here that starts to sound like the James Bond theme and that’s slightly distracting. In general, though, this is a nice tight song with a great sound, good use of minimal lyrics to tell a story in a short space, and the perfect length.
Stacking Theory - I am leaving black holes in everything and everyone — (I am here for the Black Hole EP!) A lovely, haunting exploration of the black hole theme and the photo inspiration image. Love the delicate, if aching, lyrics. The guitar tone that comes in at 1:16 is especially engaging. The acoustic/rhythm guitar is very far forward, again Pink Floyd-style, but I’m not sure it serves the song as well here — it’s a little distracting, as is its placement so far to the left. The high vocal echo in the second, long chorus is gorgeous and effective, but I’d cut it out during the “no light is getting out of here anymore” section, where it gets muddy and has a sloppy impact. Not sure about the abrupt end; the line could also work for a fade-out, and that might be more in line with the lyrics, tbh.
▷ - Indistinct — Digging the modals and microtonalities inserted here. The treatment of abstractions, like time and thought, as if they were concretes, is a witty lyrical approach, and this track also has enough experiential description that the listener can connect emotionally. The push/pull sensations of the drops really convey the title concept. The tinkling keys run is a nice accent. Some of the high vox are a little off-key (not intentionally microtonal, I don’t think, in these cases, or if it is, it doesn’t work as well as the other ones). This track has a good feel and rhythm to it. As often with your work, I’m reminded, in a good way, of Brian Eno. You sure your mind doesn’t have fractal thoughts?
Siebass - I’ll Go Now — The soft keys intro is a pleasant way to pull into the song. The rhythm guitar coming in at “Adding” is great, but I wanted the build to continue rather than having the song back down again. Your voice at “blindfold my mind” is perfectly aching. The music is lovely, but at the same time, the melody/chords/topic combined with the treatment makes the song verge dangerously on the overly melodramatic. That said, the harmonies on the “Oh I’ll go” work very well and spin this up from morosity to simply melancholic; it’s a good move. Maybe adding some more energy to the middle of the song, or to your choruses, would blunt the melodrama. There are a lot of pieces to like here, and you made the most of the lyric restriction — they work well.
Hot Pink Halo - Fortune Teller — Your voice rising on “I fold each line”/”read each leaf” etc is a nice contrast to the lower verses. Lyrically, although I enjoyed the lyrics, I am not making the connection between the typewriter, the tea, and the loss. Is the protagonist writing letters to the missed person? Are they actually typing the fortune teller (that would be tricky, but I guess you could keep rotating the paper) or just the letters? Where does the fortune teller come in? I love all the images, but I’m having trouble assembling them (it’s like an origami song instead of just an origami fortune teller). Lovely sound here, it’s sitting in a nice space for your voice and the accompaniment is pretty; the two lines (guitar and banjo, I think?) chasing each other around sound great, and the choice to separate the panning on them is effective. The very slow build of instrumentation gives the song shape, and the final verse has a great warmth to it, with that wonderful final suspended chord. I like the ending of the final chorus but I might suggest ending on the bass notes rather than the woodwind chord. Nice work overall.
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