SpinTunes 17 Round 4 Challenge

This is it, the final round! We will soon receive the judges' Round 3 rankings and learn which four of you will qualify for the final round. But remember: if any of those four fail to make the deadline, an eligible shadow can be promoted. So get to work, everyone!

For the past three rounds, you've done some impressive things with words: you've introduced yourselves, you've looked at familiar stories from new angles, and you've twisted words themselves into new and impressive shapes. You've played a lot with words - and you've played with a lot of words.

But a true craftsperson can achieve just as much with a small handful of tools as with a wide array. When Dr. Seuss was challenged to write a children’s book using only 50 words, the resulting masterpiece was Green Eggs and Ham. If you’re half the wordsmith he was, you should get by just fine using half the words. Right?

Here's your Final Round challenge:

Icosapentalogia: Write a song whose lyrics contain no more than 25 unique words. Each of your ≤ 25 words may be repeated any number of times in any order. Different forms of the same root word count as different words (“run”, “runs”, “ran” and “running” are four different words). Homonym pairs may be counted as a single word as long as both the spelling and pronunciation are identical.

Examples include: 

• “Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime” by the Korgis      
• “Fix Me, Jesus” - traditional Black spiritual 
• “Fly, Robin, Fly” by Silver Convention
• “Hallelujah!” from Messiah by GF Handel 
• “I Don’t Think I’m in Love” by Micah Sommersmith
• “Minimum Wage” by They Might Be Giants
• “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” by Pete Seeger and Joe Hickerson

 

If you include an image to be used as cover art for your track, I'll include it on the Bandcamp album. Otherwise, I'll use the artist photo or logo you sent me when you signed up. Bandcamp album art must be 1400x1400 pixels or larger. I'll crop and re-size it as best I can. If you didn't send me anything, the album art will be displayed.

Also, please remember that the fantastic folks at SongFight have opened a SpinTunes subforum on their message boards. So go there, sign up, and take a look around. SongFight happens year 'round. Music is universal... the more the better.

Submitting Entries:

• Your entry must be received by Sunday, April 25th, 2020 @ 11:59 PM EDT. Otherwise it'll be posted as a shadow. Received means that it has to appear in my e-mail inbox (spintunescontest@gmail.com) by the given deadline. I will be going by the time stamp on the e-mail. One minute late is too late.
• You are allowed and encouraged to submit a draft of your song early just in case something horrible happens and you miss the deadline. Then you can add polish to your song and send in a better version closer to the deadline. The last version received prior to the deadline is your official entry. 
• Lyrics are mandatory. No instrumentals. Having no lyrics will get you disqualified.
• Name your file the your band name + the song's title, but without spaces & punctuation.
• Subject of the e-mail should be the title of the Challenge & your band's name. (e.g. "Icosapentalogia - All the Robots") (The title of your song is whatever you want it to be)
• Include information on anyone that should be credited for collaboration. Remember, collaborations are OK, even among competitors. You must write your song, but if you want to use another vocalist or musicians, do so. Use the Facebook and SongFight forums!
• If you have a BandCamp account, you can just send me a link to your song on BandCamp if you include all the info I mentioned above. Make sure you have it set as a free download. THIS IS THE BEST FILE SHARING OPTION!
• Other file sharing options if you need them: Sound Cloud (set to download a format BandCamp is ok with) & Drop Box. Please send an e-mail as I already stated, but with the download link if you need one of these services. 
• If you're using something other than Bandcamp, It's best if you send your file in a format that Bandcamp accepts (.aiff, .wav or .flac, at least 16-bit/44.1kHz) You can find the specific requirements for Bandcamp files HERE.
• If you send me an MP3, I will attempt to convert it for you. But be warned... I will be strapped for time, and I will post whatever Audacity spits out of the conversion. So if you picked the wrong sample rate, your dulcet tones may wind up sounding like termites or chipmunks or random static. And that is what will be judged. So please... save and submit your files in the right format. 

Side Notes:

• You are allowed to send in a little background about your song. We encourage and appreciate "song bios". You don't have to do it, but if you want to write a couple sentences about your song I'll post it on the BandCamp page for people to see. I'll even link to longer blog posts if you want to explain your song on your blog. Some judges will read this extra info, but they aren't required to.
• You can send in an entry to SpinTunes 17 without competing. Just tell me it's a "Shadow Song". It will be played at the listening party, but won't be ranked and you might not receive feedback from the judges. Check the FAQ if you don't know what that means. You can even complete past challenges from previous contests. It's a nice way of playing along if you can't commit to the schedule or you just want to get your feet wet.
• The only other way to get your music played at the LP is to cover "Today's The Day" by Inverse T. Clown.

Feel free to leave any questions in the comments.

JoCo Virtual Cruise Panel - Promptly Challenged

Promptly Challenged: Writing Songs Inspired by a Challenge Prompt
Panel discussion of Singer/Songwriters talking shop on creating music for internet competitions inspired by a Challenge or Prompt. SpinTunes #17 will be the test case. 

Hosted by the JoCo Virtual Cruise - Wednesday, April 14, 9:30 pm EDT. Archived on YouTube here.

Panelists:

Micah Sommersmith has been writing songs since middle school. He won the SpinTunes 14 tournament in 2018 and somehow has now found himself running the dang thing. His other musical activities include choral singing, directing church music, and giving educational programs on global accordion genres.

Listen to Micah's song "Chariot Ride", a shadow entry from SpinTunes 16 Round 1.

Ryan Finholm makes songs and music videos as a founding member of the bands Jerkatorium, Matchy Matchy, Hanky Code, and All The Robots.  Jerkatorium won SpinTunes 13.  If Jerkatorium can do it then you can too; you should give it a try.

Listen to "Center Square" by Jerkatorium, from SpinTunes 13 Round 1.

Brian Gray is a venerable, vunerable gentlebeing who has performed numerous JoCo Cruise concerts, won and judged SpinTunes contests, and also does a mean song about pie. The pie was not amused, and court action is pending.

Listen to Brian's song "Popular Table".

Zoe Gray is a 20 year old singer-songwriter, actress, author, and playwright. She is the winner of SpinTunes #15 and Champion Vs Shadows #1. The daughter and occasional collaborator of SpinTunes champion Brian Gray, Zoe is currently in New York studying drama at NYU Tisch. Areas of interest include homoerotic longing, the occult, and Shakespeare.

Listen to Zoe's song "My Typewriter and Me" from SpinTunes 15 Round 4.

Allan Morgan is a bon vivant and man about town. He's produced hundreds of tunes under the Pop Machine and Boffo Yux Dudes monikers, is a featured player in the new sketch comedy group "Talk to the Ham". Just don't talk to him about swiss cheese. You have been warned.

Listen to "Bully for You" by Boffo Yux Dudes, from SpinTunes 12 Round 1.

Tom Giarrosso has been hosting listening parties for internet music competitions for the last decade. A founding member of the comedy troupe 'Boffo Yux Dudes', he has annoyed hundreds of artists with his request for them to participate in panel discussions. This is no exception.  

SpinTunes 17 Round 3 Songs

Thanks to everyone who joined us at last night's Listening Party, and thanks to Tommy G as always for hosting!

The songs are live now at Bandcamp: hear them all at https://spintunes.bandcamp.com/album/spintunes-17-round-3 or embedded below!

Our delightfully serpentine album art is by Matt Schubbe!

Upcoming schedule:

• Now: Judging commences
• Saturday April 17:
  • 12:01 am Eastern - Final Round challenge posted
  • 4:00 pm Eastern - Round 3 Judges' Reviews and Rankings due.
  • 8:00 pm Eastern - Round 3 Results posted here.

SpinTunes 17 Round 3 Listening Party

Your week of crafting palindromes has come to an end. 12 of 14 entrants submitted by the deadline, leaving two open spots for eligible shadows to fill. Welcome back to the competition, David G Harrington and Hot Pink Halo!

The 14 official entries in Round 3, as well as our shadow entries, will all be played at the Listening Party tonight at 9 pm EDT, hosted by our faithful Tommy G. Drop in, join the chat, and hear the premiere of your and your fellow contestants' songs!

https://youtu.be/qFuoEKxBiEo

SpinTunes 17 Round 2 RESULTS

The Round 2 results are in, and the man who impressed the judges in Round 1 has done it again. Is this unprecedented in SpinTunes history? Maybe, but I don't have time to look it up. Either way, it's impressive. For the second time in a row, the round is won by Sober!

Cavedwellers snagged second place, and Also in Blue repeated last round's performance as well, finishing third again.

The following artists ranked below the cutoff and have been eliminated. Any of them who submit shadow entries for Round 3 will be eligible for shadow reinstatement if a qualifying competitor fails to meet the deadline:

• Boy on the Wall
• David G Harrington
• Melody Klein
• Governing Dynamics
• Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost
• Keen Observer
• Dented Bento
• Night Sky
• Hot Pink Halo
• Regis Michelena

Below are the full rankings:

• Guest Judge Dave Leigh's reviews and rankings
• Cybronica's reviews and rankings
• Denise Hudson's rankings
• Jocko Homomorphism's reviews and rankings
• Wil Whalen's reviews and rankings

ST17.2 Reviews and Rankings - Wil Whalen

Wil's Rankings:

Cavedwellers 1

Rackwagon 2

Sober 3 

Good Guy Sojabe 4

The Dutch Widows 5

Vom Vorton 6

Giraffes for Wings 7

Ominous Ride 8

Jon Porobil 9

EmKayDeeBee 10

Pigfarmer Jr 11

Also in Blue 12

Boy on the Wall 13

Dented Bento 14

Jealous Brother  15

See Man Ski 16

Night Sky 17

Keen Observer 18

Governing Dynamics 19

Lucky Witch 20

Regis Michelena 21

Hot Pink Halo 22

Melody Klein 23

David G Harrington 24

Hello again!  Sorry I didn’t write up the shadows, I ran out of time again this week!

Melody Klein

Having some thoughts about how much this meets the challenge.  While I can see an argument for this approach it feels more like in-universe fan fiction than anything meaningfully related to the story of the movie.  Admittedly, I’m not very familiar with the film but I don’t really get any sense of it’s story outside of a namedrop of Theodore/Samantha, just it’s world.   Musically it's similar (to my ears, anyway) to your last one, and I have similar issues with its repetitive/long nature.  I can’t really fault you for making songs that (I assume) fit genre convention but it drags on relisten.

David G Harrington

Again, not sure how much this is a retelling of a work of fiction as much as (well-trod, IMO) meta commentary on Star Trek as a series.  The character is too self aware to read as the real person you said you wanted to write about.  It's not a bad song though, the horns on the chorus sound great - the instrumental section/outro is also really enjoyable.  The whole vibe works, it's just conceptually a little basic and not really what I interpret the challenge to be.

See-Man-Ski

Overall, nice!  Name checking 'Shameless' in the chorus is maybe not the choice I'd make but I think it's a valid one - I just don't really like fourth wall winks or overt self reference, especially more than just in passing.  It did cue me in to what you were writing about without checking the bio, in fairness, but it hit me like a titular line in a movie and served more to push me away from the ‘world‘ of the song than pull me in.  I do think this one suits the challenge quite well, and the hooks are memorable.  Vocals get a little buried under the pre/chorus synth/bass effects.

Also in Blue

Hard to fault it technically or conceptually.  In theory I think it could be edited down some but looking through the lyrics there is not a ton of conceptual redundancy so maybe not!  Maybe some slight instrumentation additions (strings, light percussion?) as it progresses?    The bridge is a nice change of pace and tone but it does get monotonous.

Pigfarmer Jr

Nice chorus - phrasing is a little weird on the first 'hand of justice' but sounds better on the later iterations.   Definitely in line with the challenge, I appreciate it being something I am familiar with (but that’s mostly on me I guess…)  The abrupt ending could work but it feels almost accidental.  I don’t think it would take more than a drum fill to drastically change how it feels.    

Dented bento

I like the chorus more than the verses - they don’t flow particularly well to my ears.  The bombasticity of the lyrics isn’t really matched by the instrumentation - I think it could have used a little more jaunt in it to sell the comic mood.  As it stands, it’s short and to the point and suits the challenge, I just wish it had some more pep.

The Dutch Widows

Direct, very rock-opera like. Almost too direct - could use some space for riffs or some non singing parts - just some breathing room for the story.  I think the dual voice stuff sounds good, though they are occasionally misaligned enough that they muddy the lines.  I like when it turns into the digital drums at the end - I feel like you could bring that aesthetic in earlier and play around with it for a while.  Now it kind of comes out of nowhere and is over basically as soon as it establishes itself.

EmKayDeeBee

From my notes document: “i would pay one million dollars for a full band to kick in.”  It’s a personal taste issue, but I do think it would sound great!  This has some good hooks, the ‘over and over’ bit at the top for me.  The bass drum was a bit subtle for me, I think you could either lose it entirely or establish a stronger beat.  There’s never really a time where it enhances anything, but there are times where it feels a little off and detracts.  I just wish it had more of a sense of escalation.

Sober

Another great entry. I think the 30 “bucks” version of the lyrics might even work better with the implied contemporization of the story, though “coins” certainly doesn’t detract.  Handful of lines good enough to build a whole song around.  Musically impeccable.  

Rackwagon

Great mood, good breathy vocals.   Night and day to last week’s entry on pretty much every level - clean composition, great performances, solid mix.  Glad you made it back, you clearly deserve it.

Jealous Brother

I think this one is over the top enough and a fresh enough angle that I am not as bothered by the referential nature (Steven Tyler's daughters dad line may be a bridge too far, but rhythmically it works well and doesn’t feel forced so what do I know!)  A few lines I'm not crazy about aside, it's a good time and I appreciate how (and hell, just that) the premise evolves.   Clean production once again, vocals could be a twinge louder and brighter.

Vom Vorton

It’s a good tune!  I have quibbles with a few minor details (using ‘slimy creature’ twice in different lines feels a little lazy, rhythmic timing on ‘what the hell are you’ could fit the meter/lead guitar line better) but overall it hits a good stride and never feels boring.  +10 million points for not using animal baby talk cadence to sing from cats-eye-view - a few lines feel a little ‘omniscient narrator’, but it’s easy to forgive from such a foreign perspective. 

Hot Pink Halo

Good vocal performance, mostly - I think there are a handful of lines that would benefit from another take.   The timing could be tighter on a few things, really - it sticks out more when things don’t line up juuuust right because the arrangement is so minimal.  I think the skeleton of the song is fine but the execution could be stronger.

Good Guy Sojabe

Just really good!  Well realized, referential to the material, great production and performances.  But!  A little light on retelling any particular narrative, more about the concept of Alfred’s relationship to Batman in general.  

Regis Michelena

Completes the challenge quite directly, keeping it confined to the single scene works well.  I didn’t really gel with the music, and feel the vocals don’t integrate well - overall it felt like a karaoke version of a song.  Maybe it’s the organ tone?  Even though I can hear the guitars it just feels like a midi track.  The parts with the lead guitar do sound better, though it’s a little quiet and could be brighter - it sounds like the amp is far away from the mic or something.

Cavedwellers

Nice build, good chill arrangement.  Good solo too, maybe a little dissonant conceptually  compared to the relatively straightforward feel of the rest of the song, but I’m just looking for anything to say but “I LIKE IT!!!”.  Everything flows well, just a great listen.  Oh baby that ending.  

Keen Observer

My main gripe with this song is that everything is too busy at the same time.  I don’t mind a busy drum part or bassline but it’s hard to latch on to anything because everythings just moving all the time.  The chorus strikes some nice tones but is still hard to get a grip on between.  I did acclimate over listens, in fairness, but it’s hard to really recall it when it’s not on.

Governing Dynamics

Fits the tone of Scott Pilgrim well and crams in a lot of lore, but the production leaves some to be desired.  Drums end up pretty buried in the mix.  Really it’s hard to evaluate beyond that - I feel it would change the feel of the song drastically with a strong bass and snare.  I’m getting plenty of cymbal and it kinda makes the whole thing float around formlessly not having the rest of the kit audible.  Guitar and bass tone and performances are both good but need that rhythm to shine.

Giraffes for Wings

The instrumentation is deceptively simple sounding, and sounds great.  Only on multiple relistens did I catch on to the number of little soundscapes going on.  I do have… not a complaint necessarily, but I don’t really know what ‘arms long as life’ is trying to describe.  Is it something from the book?  Really nice work. 

Ominous Ride

A bit monotonous and the production/arrangement could be a bit more varied, but the high effort iambic pentameter lyrics more than make up for it.  The song does develop some but we’ve basically reached maximum instrumentation by 1:30 in.  I do think moving out of the ABAB schema for a section, maybe a bridge or something, would be welcomed and break up the song a bit.

Night Sky

It does work well in satisfying the challenge almost to a fault - the retelling feels dry.  The horns, and hell the whole track, sounds great.  That said, while the music feels polished, it never really hooks me.  The vocals start to get lost as the sound develops.

Boy on the Wall

I think the drums could hit a little harder to strengthen that 90s pop punk sound, as well as bumping the tempo maybe 10-15 bpm.  That echo on the chorus is amusing but I think it’s more silly than anything else - is it in reference to something specific?  I’m having trouble placing it in the sound.  I do like the conceit and think it suits the challenge well, and overall the execution is strong.

Jon Porobil

Good - consistent point of view, clever lyrics and really solid impressions to boot.  Chorus build up was really nice as well, good structure.  This feels like something that could have come from Futurama, or some alternate world Futurama that does as many songs as The Simpsons, at least.

Lucky Witch

Moody and specific -  I think your sound is just intrinsically kinda spooky, and I wish I knew enough about theory to know/express why.  The beat gets a little mushy in the middle section of the song as more key elements are added, but never completely drops away.   Vocal performance is good - the chorus hook is also nice but I think it could be musically more different than the other parts.  Suffers from a bit of monotony. 

ST17.2 Reviews and Rankings - Jocko Homomorphism

1. Sober
2. Keen Observer
3. David G Harrington
4. Good Guy Sôjàbé
5. rackwagon
6. The Dutch Widows
7. Ominous Ride
8. Boy on the Wall
9. EmKayDeeBee
10. Jealous Brother
11. Also In Blue
12. Pigfarmer Jr
13. Vom Vorton
14. Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost
15. Cavedwellers
16. See-Man-Ski
17. Regis Michelena
18. Giraffes for Wings
19. Dented Bento
20. Night Sky
21. Governing Dynamics
22. Melody Klein
23. Hot Pink Halo
24. Jon Porobil

Well done everyone writing all this music in a single week!

========

Sober

Your choice of subject plays into your strength in emotional singing. It's a different take on the Judas morality problem than I've seen, with Jesus actively planning his execution and picking Judas to take the fall. I am a little confused which side of the ecumenical councils this Jesus falls on. Is he an overwhelemed mortal? Does he expect to ressurrect? But that's not the emotional point of this song and it doesn't matter while I'm listening. If anything I'd think Judas could be more pissed here.

Keen Observer

I love the energy coming off those drums, especially the snare. I like the rhyme scheme on the introduction, but you don't come back to it. Why not? This is a good example of an entry that works standalone, even though I'm familiar with Hocus Pocus. Bit of a darker tone than the film, and that works here.

David G Harrington

This is a nice jam. The spacey rock sound is a good match for referencing early Trek. You've captured that feeling of entering a dream job and losing yourself to the banality. And that's something that tracks whether your audience is familiar with Star Trek or not.

Good Guy Sôjàbé

Your sound has that late 90s early 2000s Batman cartoon theme song vibe. Good job. The humor of Alfred Pennysworth is that he's prim and unflinching in the face of Batman's ridiculous lifestyle. Your song is effective enough that I'm sold on Alfred getting to play the badass himself for three and a half minutes. It's too flat on your titular line. Play up the juxtaposition with something more like "The next time you break into the Batcave, do remember to wipe your feet." The clever title is obscured for relying on such an uncommon word. I would title the song something else.

rackwagon

The limited chords sell me on the melancholy of the story. I like the varied instrumentation. You've done really well knowing when to build up and when to back away in the face of the vocals. It makes sense that Babakar isn't focused on the specific events leading up to his suicide. You present the emotional content well enough that it doesn't matter that I haven't seen this series.

The Dutch Widows

This is a pretty reflective rock song. Your detached vocals worked well last week, but I'm not sold on the sadness of losing a child here. I wonder if it would help to have more of the lines sung solo, with the ensemble only coming in on mention of the collective unconsiousness. The instrumentation is well polished. Could it be sadder?

Ominous Ride

This piece totally makes sense for what a dead character would want to say to console Hamlet. I'm intrigued by the line "the peace I've suffered". The Shakespeare quote is presented as a tape recording, which I understand from an artistic point of view. However, the difference in recording quality gives this song a false start. The subject is strong enough that you can do without the quote introduction entirely.

Boy on the Wall

The words are appropriately goofy for the genre you've chosen. Maybe a little subdued for the subject of attempted murder, but it's fun enough not to be an issue. I like how it changes from "I'm scared of my dad" to "I'm scared for my dad".

EmKayDeeBee

The Charlie voiceover in the intro helps set the scene, but the one that comes in the middle of the song is just a distraction. I like how the lyrics build up on the repeated line "over and over". It's good artistic sense to come back to that line, inverting the command to keep Charlie's eyes open. I'm confused how sewing enters into it, though. All in all good work.

Jealous Brother

I really like the idea of this one. Good genre choice, too. I take it that's a meteor shower you mention in verse two. I'm not sure I understand the line about the theme park. You're obliged to be singing to your baby, but who or what is your baby? It's pretty fun to take a dig at Bay/Abrams in the second to last verse.

Also In Blue

You've taken a very interesting perspective on this story. The minimal arrangement is entirely appropriate for your subject. The first half of the song focuses on the Queen, but things get more reflective after she leaves the castle. I'm interested in this idea that the mirror is capable of seeing the Queen's location, but they cannot bring themselves to say the magic words to do so. All of this hints at a deeper relationship for two characters who are usually presented so shallowly.

Pigfarmer Jr

Nice song! This song works whether or not the listener knows the story of Beowulf, but mainly because your lyrics and title do not mention the elements of the story. Your lyrics wouldn't even have to change much. Humans dig and cut at stone, so say how their weapons would be useless on you. Grendel has a more specific mother figure he can reference in place of Mother Nature. Did you copy/paste to get the echo effect on "humans"? I think it would work better with an actual delay effect.

Vom Vorton

This is a peppy song with a fun, offbeat premise -- and that's just right for your work. I like the lines "one perfect organism recognises another" and "I wasn’t bothered when you killed all the crew". The sentiment about cats being assholes is overplayed in general, but the juxtaposition against an alien spree killing keeps things fresh. Nice.

Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost

Strong vocal work again this week. The vocals, Omnichord, and guitar don't seem to agree on what key this is in. I'm choosing to read intention into that, since your character is a memory ghost living in a dreamland. It's not a perfect execution, but you did improve on my tone/subject comment from the previous round.

Cavedwellers

This is a good tonal match for an 80s teen movie. Maybe a little too much distortion on the guitar early on. Cameron's inner monologue actually comes off relaxed here compared to his protests in the film. With the line "and there’s only one of me," I take it the whole song occurs after he's learned his lesson about self worth. It's a little odd then to end the song on the "friends like these lines" without more of an ironic delivery.

See-Man-Ski

I'm not familliar with this show, but you present what I assume would be recognizable elements in a sensible manner. The message here still resonates as a standalone song, since it's fairly universal. The song does plod just a bit with nearly every part stressing the one of each bar. Maybe that's supposed to represent the plodding lifestyle of these characters you describe in the liner notes, but could you ease up on the chorus?

Regis Michelena

I like the organ work in this piece. It does lean a bit heavy on the referential material, but you've selected for a certain audience when you decided to write a song about different release versions of A New Hope. The actual line "Maclunkey" should hit harder given it's the central element to the whole song. We've finally get there three minutes in, and immediately switch out to an instrumental fill.

Giraffes for Wings

This is a peppy little song, which feels at odds with the story of a frantic caribou calf fleeing a forest fire. The lyrics are poetic. The toyish keyboard sounds you've chosen are particularly charming. I like how the instrumentation backs off after the chorus, then returns with electric guitar. Just, I'm not sure why you're going with this juxtaposition.

Dented Bento

I like the reference to Close Encounters. Classic. Unfortunately, the spoken word verses doesn't really work here. There's places where you're trying to stuff long phrases that come off as haphazard. Overall, the story elements could be arranged tigther across the different verses. For example, the interjection "look it's a mosquito" is supposed to be indicating Pleakley's hyperfixation. However, you drop the tension from the previous line impersonating Jumba to get there. You'd be better off finishing that verse with a direct retort, and getting to the mosquitos somewhere else.

Night Sky

The mismatch between your tone and your subject makes this very difficult to listen to, even though that tone is well-polished on its own. The phased guitar, smarmy sax, and rimshots that open this piece are the musical vocabulary for cheesy romance and seduction, but you're writing about a movie whose title is synonymous with emotional abuse. This is a textbook example of lyrics ruining the song.

Governing Dynamics

The lyrics are cluttered, since you're listing out the events from a six volume series. I know that's the aesthetic of the source material, but I'm left feeling overwhelmed. You could do with fewer syllables in each bar. If that means dropping a few details, that would be fine. While this is coming from the character of Neil, the list of Scott's adventures makes Scott the focus of the song.

Melody Klein

I like all the textural work in this, especially the various clicking sounds and the use of stereo. It feels a lot like your Round One song. The lyrics are pretty free flowing. You're definitely in the vicinity of some kind of meter, but it never comes out the same way twice. I think this song wants to be tighter.

Hot Pink Halo

I'm not familiar with this book. Is "faded into night" a euphemism for falling off the bridge, or something more literal? You're having some trouble building tension over time with this piece. The violin sticks out too much when it comes in. Is it in tune? The high notes need more air support in the second-to-last verse -- I can hear you gasp between "your" and "mind". Alternatively, don't write yourself a melody that high up.

Jon Porobil

The guy and guitar sound makes sense for this topic. Humble. The pause before the last word of each verse loses too much energy to be longing anymore. I wasn't able to figure out what the multiple name drops to J. Alfred Prufrock are doing here, is that referenced on the show, or artistic lisence? I get what you're doing with the transition, but there's too much of a pause to feel connected to what came before. I expected the song to end after the spoken bit with Kif's "guh". Actually, I think it would be stronger to end there.

========

Cheers,

Jocko