ST17.2 Reviews and Rankings - Jocko Homomorphism

1. Sober
2. Keen Observer
3. David G Harrington
4. Good Guy Sôjàbé
5. rackwagon
6. The Dutch Widows
7. Ominous Ride
8. Boy on the Wall
9. EmKayDeeBee
10. Jealous Brother
11. Also In Blue
12. Pigfarmer Jr
13. Vom Vorton
14. Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost
15. Cavedwellers
16. See-Man-Ski
17. Regis Michelena
18. Giraffes for Wings
19. Dented Bento
20. Night Sky
21. Governing Dynamics
22. Melody Klein
23. Hot Pink Halo
24. Jon Porobil

Well done everyone writing all this music in a single week!

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Sober

Your choice of subject plays into your strength in emotional singing. It's a different take on the Judas morality problem than I've seen, with Jesus actively planning his execution and picking Judas to take the fall. I am a little confused which side of the ecumenical councils this Jesus falls on. Is he an overwhelemed mortal? Does he expect to ressurrect? But that's not the emotional point of this song and it doesn't matter while I'm listening. If anything I'd think Judas could be more pissed here.

Keen Observer

I love the energy coming off those drums, especially the snare. I like the rhyme scheme on the introduction, but you don't come back to it. Why not? This is a good example of an entry that works standalone, even though I'm familiar with Hocus Pocus. Bit of a darker tone than the film, and that works here.

David G Harrington

This is a nice jam. The spacey rock sound is a good match for referencing early Trek. You've captured that feeling of entering a dream job and losing yourself to the banality. And that's something that tracks whether your audience is familiar with Star Trek or not.

Good Guy Sôjàbé

Your sound has that late 90s early 2000s Batman cartoon theme song vibe. Good job. The humor of Alfred Pennysworth is that he's prim and unflinching in the face of Batman's ridiculous lifestyle. Your song is effective enough that I'm sold on Alfred getting to play the badass himself for three and a half minutes. It's too flat on your titular line. Play up the juxtaposition with something more like "The next time you break into the Batcave, do remember to wipe your feet." The clever title is obscured for relying on such an uncommon word. I would title the song something else.

rackwagon

The limited chords sell me on the melancholy of the story. I like the varied instrumentation. You've done really well knowing when to build up and when to back away in the face of the vocals. It makes sense that Babakar isn't focused on the specific events leading up to his suicide. You present the emotional content well enough that it doesn't matter that I haven't seen this series.

The Dutch Widows

This is a pretty reflective rock song. Your detached vocals worked well last week, but I'm not sold on the sadness of losing a child here. I wonder if it would help to have more of the lines sung solo, with the ensemble only coming in on mention of the collective unconsiousness. The instrumentation is well polished. Could it be sadder?

Ominous Ride

This piece totally makes sense for what a dead character would want to say to console Hamlet. I'm intrigued by the line "the peace I've suffered". The Shakespeare quote is presented as a tape recording, which I understand from an artistic point of view. However, the difference in recording quality gives this song a false start. The subject is strong enough that you can do without the quote introduction entirely.

Boy on the Wall

The words are appropriately goofy for the genre you've chosen. Maybe a little subdued for the subject of attempted murder, but it's fun enough not to be an issue. I like how it changes from "I'm scared of my dad" to "I'm scared for my dad".

EmKayDeeBee

The Charlie voiceover in the intro helps set the scene, but the one that comes in the middle of the song is just a distraction. I like how the lyrics build up on the repeated line "over and over". It's good artistic sense to come back to that line, inverting the command to keep Charlie's eyes open. I'm confused how sewing enters into it, though. All in all good work.

Jealous Brother

I really like the idea of this one. Good genre choice, too. I take it that's a meteor shower you mention in verse two. I'm not sure I understand the line about the theme park. You're obliged to be singing to your baby, but who or what is your baby? It's pretty fun to take a dig at Bay/Abrams in the second to last verse.

Also In Blue

You've taken a very interesting perspective on this story. The minimal arrangement is entirely appropriate for your subject. The first half of the song focuses on the Queen, but things get more reflective after she leaves the castle. I'm interested in this idea that the mirror is capable of seeing the Queen's location, but they cannot bring themselves to say the magic words to do so. All of this hints at a deeper relationship for two characters who are usually presented so shallowly.

Pigfarmer Jr

Nice song! This song works whether or not the listener knows the story of Beowulf, but mainly because your lyrics and title do not mention the elements of the story. Your lyrics wouldn't even have to change much. Humans dig and cut at stone, so say how their weapons would be useless on you. Grendel has a more specific mother figure he can reference in place of Mother Nature. Did you copy/paste to get the echo effect on "humans"? I think it would work better with an actual delay effect.

Vom Vorton

This is a peppy song with a fun, offbeat premise -- and that's just right for your work. I like the lines "one perfect organism recognises another" and "I wasn’t bothered when you killed all the crew". The sentiment about cats being assholes is overplayed in general, but the juxtaposition against an alien spree killing keeps things fresh. Nice.

Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost

Strong vocal work again this week. The vocals, Omnichord, and guitar don't seem to agree on what key this is in. I'm choosing to read intention into that, since your character is a memory ghost living in a dreamland. It's not a perfect execution, but you did improve on my tone/subject comment from the previous round.

Cavedwellers

This is a good tonal match for an 80s teen movie. Maybe a little too much distortion on the guitar early on. Cameron's inner monologue actually comes off relaxed here compared to his protests in the film. With the line "and there’s only one of me," I take it the whole song occurs after he's learned his lesson about self worth. It's a little odd then to end the song on the "friends like these lines" without more of an ironic delivery.

See-Man-Ski

I'm not familliar with this show, but you present what I assume would be recognizable elements in a sensible manner. The message here still resonates as a standalone song, since it's fairly universal. The song does plod just a bit with nearly every part stressing the one of each bar. Maybe that's supposed to represent the plodding lifestyle of these characters you describe in the liner notes, but could you ease up on the chorus?

Regis Michelena

I like the organ work in this piece. It does lean a bit heavy on the referential material, but you've selected for a certain audience when you decided to write a song about different release versions of A New Hope. The actual line "Maclunkey" should hit harder given it's the central element to the whole song. We've finally get there three minutes in, and immediately switch out to an instrumental fill.

Giraffes for Wings

This is a peppy little song, which feels at odds with the story of a frantic caribou calf fleeing a forest fire. The lyrics are poetic. The toyish keyboard sounds you've chosen are particularly charming. I like how the instrumentation backs off after the chorus, then returns with electric guitar. Just, I'm not sure why you're going with this juxtaposition.

Dented Bento

I like the reference to Close Encounters. Classic. Unfortunately, the spoken word verses doesn't really work here. There's places where you're trying to stuff long phrases that come off as haphazard. Overall, the story elements could be arranged tigther across the different verses. For example, the interjection "look it's a mosquito" is supposed to be indicating Pleakley's hyperfixation. However, you drop the tension from the previous line impersonating Jumba to get there. You'd be better off finishing that verse with a direct retort, and getting to the mosquitos somewhere else.

Night Sky

The mismatch between your tone and your subject makes this very difficult to listen to, even though that tone is well-polished on its own. The phased guitar, smarmy sax, and rimshots that open this piece are the musical vocabulary for cheesy romance and seduction, but you're writing about a movie whose title is synonymous with emotional abuse. This is a textbook example of lyrics ruining the song.

Governing Dynamics

The lyrics are cluttered, since you're listing out the events from a six volume series. I know that's the aesthetic of the source material, but I'm left feeling overwhelmed. You could do with fewer syllables in each bar. If that means dropping a few details, that would be fine. While this is coming from the character of Neil, the list of Scott's adventures makes Scott the focus of the song.

Melody Klein

I like all the textural work in this, especially the various clicking sounds and the use of stereo. It feels a lot like your Round One song. The lyrics are pretty free flowing. You're definitely in the vicinity of some kind of meter, but it never comes out the same way twice. I think this song wants to be tighter.

Hot Pink Halo

I'm not familiar with this book. Is "faded into night" a euphemism for falling off the bridge, or something more literal? You're having some trouble building tension over time with this piece. The violin sticks out too much when it comes in. Is it in tune? The high notes need more air support in the second-to-last verse -- I can hear you gasp between "your" and "mind". Alternatively, don't write yourself a melody that high up.

Jon Porobil

The guy and guitar sound makes sense for this topic. Humble. The pause before the last word of each verse loses too much energy to be longing anymore. I wasn't able to figure out what the multiple name drops to J. Alfred Prufrock are doing here, is that referenced on the show, or artistic lisence? I get what you're doing with the transition, but there's too much of a pause to feel connected to what came before. I expected the song to end after the spoken bit with Kif's "guh". Actually, I think it would be stronger to end there.

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Cheers,

Jocko