Time left




Saturday, April 17, 2021

ST17.3 Reviews and Rankings - Wil Whalen

 Good lord people!  I had a shadow planned and my palindrome would have been put to shame by pretty much every single entry.


Very hard round to judge.  Rereading through these there are times where I sound really nitpicky!  The quality level overall is just extremely high, so I gotta dig in where I can.  Pretty much everyone had 3/4/5/6+ different palindromes going on so I tried to judge based more on implementation rather than sheer volume but it's not an exact science!


Rankings:


Good Guy Sojabe -1

Also in Blue - 2

Sober - 3

See Man Ski - 4

Vom Vorton - 5

Cavedwellers - 6

Ominous Ride - 7

RackWagon - 8

Jon Porobil - 9

Jealous Brother - 10

EmKayDeeBee - 11

David G Harrington - 12

The Dutch Windows - 13

Hot Pink Halo - 14



David G Harrington


Musically I like the song a lot, production is slick as well - the intro especially.  My main gripe that I am going to overthink: The rat metaphor seems like a stretch to me, at least as it is implemented.  Without the song bio I don't know that I'd have been able to make any connection between the rat line and the rest of the song - the lyrics don't really establish it, and are often so literal that the metaphor likely would have slipped right past me.  I feel with an oblique and unestablished metaphor like that you really need to show/tell us how death is like a rat, or why you think of it that way.  You do have 'gnawing' in there but I think you could use more imagery - this also seems like something easier to reinforce with a music video or some other visual component, but as it stands there's not much to go off of.  


Overall I like the concept of the song but I feel like it could use a second draft - a few clunky rhymes/phrases stick out and at 5 minutes I think a few of the verses could be cut without losing anything besides more names.  I think you could stand to expand more on what the narrator of the song is feeling, or even just why they're asking the question at all - the chorus gets you a little into his head, the paranoia, dread of death, etc, but I think you could expand more on how the narrator might answer the question or what they think about the relationship between fame and death.



See-Man-Ski


Good buildup and development throughout, though I am conflicted on the ending.  I think it does/could work as is, but I also was sure it was going to come back in and be huge for one last chorus!   The bridge just wasn't quite big enough for me to feel it as the ‘mic drop’/climactic moment it needs to be to end the song with only the truncated chorus lines, especially since it's just been building and building the whole time.  Gripes aside, the production is nice and the integrations of the palindromes are straightforward and effective.  Lyrically it hits a good tone between evocative and still not too specific.  It's heavy subject matter and I think you handled it well without it feeling tacky or exploitative.  


Rackwagon


Another all around well produced entry - I do feel the mix could be a little tighter in places (vocals and lead guitar lines are quite loud over other elements in the chorus).  The lyrics are a little abstract at times but between the picture and the name of the song it’s not a big leap to get where you’re pointing.


EmKayDeeBee


Not entirely sure how I feel about this one, lyrically - my initial read was that the ‘e moored in the lap of a palindrome’ line felt out of place against the more straight lyrics of the shanty, but on more careful readings I caught more of the wordplay integrated into the rest of the lyrics.  I’m still not entirely sold on it - this is another one that if it were not explained in the bio I would have no idea what you were trying to convey.  I do commend the creation of an original central palindrome to build off of, and musically this feels like your fullest of the contest, but being built on a sentence that doesn’t really invoke anything to me weakens the whole.


Good Guy Sojabe

Oh hell yeah.  Despite the lack of concrete detail I get a good sense of story out of this one.  Really impressive all around.  The Yoda-esque ‘wasted it was’ is a little goofy but easily forgivable in context.  Not a lot to say about this one, just liked it a lot!


Vom Vorton

Another one that is quite impressive structurally.  I think the titular palindrome is probably the weakest part of the song - so much good melody in the parts surrounding it but the shouted title part of the song just fails to stick to my brain, as well as it just sorta feeling tacked on to get a letter level palindrome in there too.  


Jealous Brother

The titular palindrome in this one feels like.. not a stretch necessarily, but just sort of clunky.  It’s not even that it’ hasn't been tied in to the story: the mud is quite central!  It just feels like it’s only described as ‘dumb’ mud to make it into a palindrome.  I think it could be justified more if the character singing used more colloquialisms or was more gripe-y during the song, but a lot of the lyrics are quite cryptic and/or eloquent.  Production-wise it is quite slick, as the rest of your entries have been, and sounds great even with so much going on at the end.


Also in Blue

Love that palindromic riff - good job on not just making it sound like a scale run!  Well produced and thought out.  


Cavedwellers

Great organ tone.  Another song with a ton going on and lots of parts.  I feel like some of the simpler palindromes in the chorus could probably be taken out (never odd or even, parts/strap) if only because in the context of this contest they stick out since they were used by several other songs, and you have enough other examples used to easily fulfil the challenge without them.


The Dutch Windows

A nice song overall but sadly comes up lacking against the steep competition this round.  I do appreciate a good vague imagery song but I couldn’t really make heads or tails of what is going on here and the ‘crowbarred in’ palindromes feel like.. well, that.  I think the skeleton of the song is strong but another pass without the task of cramming in palindromes would improve it greatly.


Hot Pink Halo

Sorry, just not feeling this one.  Takes a long time to get moving and the buildup is pretty static - we don't really get a significant energy change until the vocals kick in.  I think this song could do with some significant fleshing out, musically and lyrically.


Ominous Ride

Nice lyrics, well constructed, awkward phrasing is rare (and somewhat inevitable, so good job minimizing it!)  You’re selling yourself short in your song bio - you easily had some of the strongest word level palindrome sections.  Yes, it does end up somewhat abstract, but the wordplay sells it just fine.


Jon Porobil

I like the idea of the narrative palindrome, and the ‘come back baby back’ lines are nicely catchy.  For a song so narrative based it does feel somewhat fractured and incomplete - the conflicts are almost all implied or glossed over.  Not the worst sin in a 4 minute pop song, but we sort of miss out on some of the most interesting parts of the character arcs.  Not really sold on “She didn't leave to chance to leave, didn't she?” - it feels a little forced.  Tiny nitpick: the perspective briefly shifts into first person in the second prechorus!!!!!


Sober

Lmao you might win every round.  Incredible, again.  There are a few lines that definitely sound smoother in their original position in the verse, but nothing egregious.  While I do like that little shreddy scale run I think it could have been something a little less straightforward.

No comments:

Post a Comment