Here are your Round 1 rankings from Phlub:
Read on for Phlub's reviews!
▷ - Rain
I know everyone in the Discord is telling you to get a better microphone. And while I think it would be a terrific investment, it’s not because I don’t like the slightly lo-fi effect it imparts on your voice, it’s mostly due to how it stands in contrast with the rest of your mix! This composition is lush and really fills out the mix in my headphones, and I feel like a better mic would just bring that extra sheen that this kind of stuff is begging for. That synth solo in the second half is SUBLIME, it’s giving me Tim Follin vibes. Do you know how high a praise that is coming from me? Anyway, I love sitting on the porch enjoying the sound of a nice rain.
Is the white noise that periodically jumps into the mix soda fizz? You use the can opening sound as a sound effect and then there’s this fading white noise sample that keeps fading in and out and ugh did I mention how much I love that [bleepy outro]. The percussion construction in this is positively brilliant, and the vocal layering is a huge level up from where you were. Also “[pre-drop]” and “[drop]” seem to be clever rainfall references. Is that a stapler in the percussion in the first verse?
Lyrically, it’s very straight and to the point. Not much in the way of metaphor. But why does there need to be? It’s a love letter to rain. As for “how does it come down”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wegener%E2%80%93Bergeron%E2%80%93Findeisen_process will answer your question.
Extra note for the effort put into your vocals. That melisma in the vocal run may not land perfectly on each note, but it’s inspired and adds a great sheen to this song.
Falcon Artist - The Sun
Five minutes is a big ask for a song with only four chords (Am, C, G, D) and virtually no dynamic changes. Most of the tune is spent alternating between one of two melodies, a lower one and a higher one, the higher one of which has a bit more vocal range. This song is desperately needing some kind of tonal shift to represent the actual sunshine. Right now it just feels cloudy, cloudy, cloudy, dark, dark, dark. Even when you lyrically move towards something exciting, it still keeps that strongly minor key tone. Switching to a secondary chord progression or something based off of that C chord, that is shifting to the relative major for a bit and maybe throwing in something like an F from there to establish some “majorness” would reinforce the sunshine!
Lyrically I’m kind of confused. “I like it hot not cold” and its following lyrics suggest that you don’t like being in your cold dark country. But then you say that every country should be the same and they should have wind cold and rain. Are you inconsistent, or are you salty and wished that the warm places had to suffer cold winters like you? And then the “but it’s not for everyone” adds some ambiguity. I really can’t tell whether or not you legitimately like the sun or what. Also a lot of occasions where your performance of the lyrics aren’t well integrated to the rhythm. “To go away to a hot country and get a tan” just flows awkwardly with the rhythm. Ditto for “the country I live in” and the following line with “get some sun”, it’s very…rushed, like you’re trying to force it to fit the rhythm of the guitar.
Performance-wise, there are a lot of moments where you keep a chord going for longer than you would expect. Somewhat inconsistent timing. And at times it feels to me like you don’t know the song super well. Also your guitar is noticeably out of tune, I think your b string is a bit flat and your high e is sharp!
I hope this doesn’t come across as me picking on you, just trying to provide constructive criticism!
Joy Sitler - Parade
This is well performed and executed. I like the stomps when you say “storm cloud”, they’re a nice touch (though a bit muddy in my headphones). The musical build and structure are really well done.
I can’t help but feel like it would have been more effective melodically in the “So I go to my window” section if you had switched up the melody a little bit. As it is, it’s basically that descending melody repeated over and over. Breaking the pattern and having the melody go up or something by the time you got to “into the light” would add a huge lift to this song there, which I think would complement the instrumental very well. Maybe a bit more melodic variation and going for notes above that major third throughout the whole song would be beneficial in terms of maintaining interest? That said, it’s not a very long song and it does a decent job as is.
The backing vocals are well arranged and effective, and you have a good grasp of harmony.
Lyrically, it’s a solid progression and an interesting concept. You’re in a funk, and your friend is trying to help you out of your funk cause they’re worried about you. And then succeed in doing so by…inviting a bunch of friends over to have a picnic with wine on your front lawn? The concept seems like something I’d see in a TV show on ABC family – maybe a little sentimental and saccharine for my taste but a sweet comforting thought nonetheless that definitely gives me the warm fuzzies if I don’t think about it too hard. Maybe just cause I’m a salty bitter grump and nobody’s gonna throw me a picnic if I’m feeling bad. Anyway, the mood lift is welcome and provides a good narrative, so who am I to criticize realism? The meter is good and works with the music, and it nails the vibe you’re going for.
The Pannacotta Army - A New Low
How silky smooth. From a production standpoint, it’s hard to argue against this. Everything sounds great in my headphones, which are probably the most hifi setup I have available to listen to music on. Well structured, meets the challenge, never overstays its welcome! Also the chord progression is just terrific. Lyrically, I enjoy it more than I enjoy most songs that get explicitly related to current events. By your definition, the showers are pretty widespread these days, I see them everywhere I go!
One thing that slightly bugs me is that the vocal never really seems to resolve. Something about the structure of it makes me expect another verse or more lyrics. I think it’s “found” being on the second scale degree. Also the rhythm of “but here on my parade” doesn’t sit right, nor does the rest of that verse. I dunno, the melody there doesn’t quite satisfy me. Am I nitpicking minor compositional elements? Well, yes, but largely because I find this song generally hard to criticize, it’s so smooth. Key line that sticks with me is “it’s a shower, cut the power”. Something about it makes me want to add steel drums to it. Harmonies at the bridge are great, real aural candy.
Cheslain - And The Rain Came Pouring Down
That chord progression and groove really sucks you in. And your vocal performance on this is both terrific and recorded terrifically. The way you introduce the drums in the first verse is especially worthy of mentioning. I’m curious if those are computer drums or the real thing. That second guitar that makes itself heard once the second chorus rolls around really elevates the track and carres it to a nice conclusion.
Honestly, this is really slick and professional sounding across the board. There are a couple moments where I think you could have come up with some better lyrics, but there are also moments where your lyrics are positively brilliant. One big juxtaposition that strikes me is “all things end, and so does rain”. I’m sorry, I just really think that sounds clunky and you could have come up with a better lyric there. But then you follow it with “clouds are nomads on the prairie of the sky” which sounds awesome. This has a somewhat apocalyptic undercurrent behind it, but it’s very vague and disconnected. Mainly the rain is going to wash you away and the sin and everything. I don’t know about the clay in your town,but mine takes quit a bit of rain to erode. The silty soils though, those just wash right off. Not a lot of narrative, but that’s okay.
Slick!
See-Man-Ski - Popcorn Brain
Pop pop popcorn brain is catchy as can be. It’s one of a relatively small number of hooks from this fight that lodge in my brain as one of the more memorable moments. And you seem to be very aware how hooky it is, because it’s the title of the song, and the back half of the song is filled with sections where it’s repeated over and over and over. So it’s kind of hard to forget it because you try your hardest to lodge it in our heads! But you’re successful and now I have popcorn in my brain, so good job on that one. And it’s a good image to structure your song around. Now…I’m not entirely sure that the endless use of the refrain isn’t a tad overdone. Can we really let the corn pop in our brains that many times? At least it’s less repetitive than chocolate rain.
As for the musicianship and structure? Well done, well structured (my complaints about it being too drawn out at the end may just be a matter of taste). Only mixing element I found to be somewhat questionable was the echo when you drop down to nothing but the acapella popcorn rain. It muddies it up, and since that section is supposed to be stripped back to my ears it should be as clear as possible!
The connection to the challenge is kind of tenuous at best, like you mention rain in the chorus but the rain imagery doesn’t have any real connection to the popcorn brain, like is your brain gonna be filled with soggy popcorn nobody wants to eat? And the fog reference checks the box, but by and large I feel like you could have written lyrics that fit the theme of your overwhelmed popcorn brain better had you not felt the need to shoehorn in a weather reference. Like I dunno, balancing marbles on a flat top car and all the popping sounds like you’re anxious, but when you talk about fog and rain it suggests a deeper melancholy and not so much the fight-or-flight response. Something sparky or zappy or stormy would have complemented the pop pop pop better.
Stacking Theory - Mordialloc Beach (when the wind is right)
Ooh post-punky! There’s a slight distortion that’s on that synth that periodically comes across as slightly harsh, but I can’t tell if it’s cause the levels are too high or if it’s just an EQ issue. I would add a bit more mid-range/low to your voice or maybe add just a sprinkle of reverb or delay to fill out the mix a bit more.
Now, I know your self-described genre is sad beach music, but this song is not very sad. It’s uplifting! This is uplifting beach music! I feel like when you get to the “every time that I’m losing momentum stanza” you should add another rhythmic element to really bring it forward, like some drums that mirror the kick drum but add some more BODY to the beat, cause really you’ve got all of this talk of flying and meanwhile that steady motorik rhythm keeps pounding on but doesn’t really pick speed! I don’t know exactly how you’d want to do that, but I think that would really bring this up a notch. As it is, it’s still quite enjoyable and lines up with my taste decently…
I looked up some images of Mordialloc Beach. Looks like a great place! The general vibe I get looking at it reminds me a bit of Isle of Palms, the beach I used to go to a bunch when I was a kid. Different side of the world but a beach is a beach!
The “nothing is truly hopeless” part was a nice touch.
The Moon Bureau - Sweater Weather
Jangley! I bet you like the Smiths. Normally I would say to use more reverb in a song like this, but the amount that you have on your vocals makes it kind of hard to make out what you’re saying, and sort of detracts from being able to focus on the overall theme of the song. Overall the mix is kind of muddy, like turn up the jangle and turn down the bass a little bit. Also maybe a drier bass tone would benefit the style? As it stands there’s kind of a jangly molasses vibe.
In terms of general structure, this comes in, does what it means to do, and then concludes right when it would be appropriate for it to conclude, so good job with that compositional aspect. I actually really like the concept behind this song. I feel like the simplicity of the descending melody is well done – and the fact that this song doesn’t overstay its welcome with such a narrow melody range makes me not mind that you spend most of the song with a range no more than a fifth.
Rhyming times with climes is something that I want to work, but I’ve never heard anybody use “climes” to refer to a season – more like an area with a different climate. That’s a minor nitpick that comes from being someone who’s geeked out about meteorology for most of my life. Otherwise, the lyrics are perfectly fine to me. It’s fall, you love the way this woman’s wardrobe complements the fall, she’s beautiful in her cardigan. Who doesn’t love a good cardigan? Though are the leather patches on her cashmere cardigan? That’s an odd thing to add to a cardigan with feathered sleeves, you sure that would match?
This grew on me a lot with subsequent listens and wound up gradually rising through my initial rankings to a fairly high position.
Giraffes for Wings - Impact Winter
There’s something about the way that the vocals are recorded that doesn’t quite sound right, I can’t quite place what it is. Like there’s some kind of weird metallic reverb or something? Or is it the way that they’re being doubled at times? Regardless, it doesn’t quite sound right to me. Anyway it sounds like something that the hipster kids who I worked with at the college radio station for a few years would have told me to listen to. The melody isn’t particularly strong, and you’re really straining to hit some of the high notes. As a result, nothing about it really sticks in my head afterward.
Lyrically, well…hmm. The stream of consciousness narrative flow is kind of neat. “Jackie Walorski” is fun to say, and even without knowing who she is the first verse would work for me. Songs written that explicitly spend a lot of time calling out specific political figures almost always land flat in my opinion, and honestly you could have done something so much more poetic than explicitly ragging on Tucker and Donald. They’re easy targets, but I dunno, I’ve just heard too many blunt anti-Trump messages reviewing these contests and imo after the 30th one it just gets repetitive to my ears. We know, he sucks, we get it. Once you get to the third verse of the song though, it gets a lot better. The imagery and sheer amount of spite in those lyrics is well executed and I dig how the song concludes. Challenge met, you referenced the weather.
Berkeley Social Scene - Waterspout
The vocals could use some EQing. They sound pretty muddy as is in a way that makes the melody of the song not really leap out like it should. I listened to this a few times and while there is a melody, it doesn’t stick in my head at all. The guitar solo is nice when it comes, though I would have preferred to hear it a good while earlier in the tune. I feel like the big thing this song is missing is dynamics. It kind of just bops along in this kind of mid tempo groove, never really building much or pulling back ever. Nothing really leaps out and grabs my attention once the vocals come in. The guitars are too loud in the mix compared to the vocals and it’s hard to really feel it.
It takes me awhile to latch onto what this track is actually about. The metaphor about following the spider up the waterspout is unclear, largely cause you’re getting turbulently swirled around in it and getting drowned by this person,but now you want to be in the waterspout to regain your footing when you’re lost? I just don’t really get a sense of narrative out of this song, it just feels like disconnected vignettes that kind of relate to a waterspout? Meets the challenge though!
Chamomileon - Sleet and Snow
Lyrically, this narrative fascinates me. What jungle were you fleeing? Were the two of you a thing? I guess we were. I just can’t figure out what prompted this journey, but I’m not supposed to. Because the story is about driving from Arizona to Thunder Bay, which is not a short drive! I drove from Knoxville to the Canadian Rockies and down the west coast when I was 19 and while the weather was fine, the rain storms could be something fierce. Anyway, some of the lyricism here is funny, though a few lines feel a bit forced rhythmically. “So many people have slid off of the shoulders” and “A Taco Bell burrito” are clunky, and it pains me to say that because Taco Bell is a guilty pleasure of mine. Finishing about the people with common sense not driving to Ontario impulsively is a good move and adds a layer of self-deprecation and self-awareness that suits the song well.
Musically, well, it’s a mellow groove. The contrast in melodic intensity between the verse and the chorus is well executed and so there’s actually a sense of narrative that follows the lyrics. I like the higher backing vocals (or is that a synth) in the chorus? There are a number of times where there’s some pitchiness on the melodic lines (chevy heater, beater) and some times where the vocal performance falls off beat (skating rink for SUVs is rushed). If you went through this a couple more times and really worked on SELLING it, this could be done with some more oomph! As it is, I enjoyed this and thought it was entertaining. I feel like it’s just needing some intensity that isn’t there at some points. All in all satisfying, and definitely meets the challenge.
Ironbark - I Am A Clear Blue Sky
I love how you keep that descending melodic motif going off and on throughout the song, featuring it all the different instruments. You put a lot of little details in your arrangement that are both tasty and tasteful. You present a relatively short song that progresses quickly and never dwells too long at any particular moment – merciful and very welcome in round 1! It sounds like you messed up the timing on the keyboard part right after “you blew in in a hurricane”, like you rushed it or played it too staccato or something. All in all I give you good reviews on your instrumental and arrangement.
Now, there isn’t really a single line in this that really sticks in my head, which despite thinking that this sonically sounds great, I’m not left with much of an impression of anything lyrically. “The rain stays on the plain in spain, but I’m not Spanish you explain” is a witty lyric that’s enjoyable, but I have no idea what you’re talking about exactly, other than the general metaphor that this third party is a disaster of a person in some way. Interesting how unflappable the narrator is in comparison. All of these lines are pretty good I suppose.
While I in no way expect you to do this, I wish this song had a saxophone or flute solo. I would love to give you more feedback,but I think I’ve said all I can really say at this one.
glennny - Psychotic Cyclone
I really dig that harmonic riff that opens and closes the track. Vocals are mixed in a way where the guitars are kind of eating them. Maybe there’s a little too much bass in the mix. I dunno, maybe some EQ work could make it pop a bit more? Try doing a low pass on the vocals! This is another song where the melody never really grabs me. The riffs are good and I like the interplay of the guitar parts (especially that slide, I’m a sucker for slide lately). And oh, those bass harmonics, yum! When that shaker comes in the bridge or whatever it’s a nice touch.
Lyrically hits the theme. I’m not entirely sure that I follow the shift into the chorus. Who is the psychotic little cyclone? Nothing about the story leading up to that really links with the switch to talking about an individual. Like is she the reason the storm is happening? If so, why are you encouraging the two of you to run away together and get out of the storm? Why is she psychotic? I guess you like despite her issues and how she spins you ‘round. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking it.
I wish it was catchier and I wish the lyrics were more cohesive. Dug the guitar work, great job on that!
Jeff Walker - And So It Begins
Musically this is alright. The mix is pretty decent and I like some of the clean guitar lines that are kind of hidden there. The composition is alright, though I wish the drums would do something a little bit more interesting. They really ought to switch it up a bit throughout the song. While the chords change consistently through each part of the song, the dynamic intensity of the song just kind of stays…samey? I don’t know, this song is very much devoid of elements that really reach out and grab me. I want something memorable, and not much here really *pops* to my ears.
Lyrically, it’s fairly decent. Songs based around hurricanes tend to generally appeal to me – and so the images of palm trees bending hit that part of me. I was a huge weather dork as a child and tropical stuff was always my fixation. Truth be told, it still is. However, one thing that bugs me about these lyrics is how little the vibe you have going on matches what you’re singing about. You’ve got this breezy mellow musical backdrop, and you’re telling me about this awful tempestuous weather? I feel like it should at least have some degree of minor tonality! As it stands it’s too darn sunny? Your song sounds like it’s 82F under partly cloudy skies with a light breeze and a 30% of a brief afternoon shower, not having to board up your windows! Or to rephrase, your lyrics are stormy but your music is sunshine. Would that make your song a sunshower in this metaphor? I digress.
This undeniably meets the challenge, so you pass on that front.
West of Vine - Aeromancer
There’s this slight syncopated thing that happens periodically with the snare drum in this song that is super interesting but all bizarre because those kind of rhythmic shenanigans don’t usually appear in this kind of rootsy country rock. Like it’s clear this is 4/4 but you’ve gotten kind of funky with the drums so appreciated for keeping me on my toes. Also, again, as I’ve mentioned, lately I’ve been really digging slide guitar. I will say at times it feels like your slide guitar part feels a little meandery and aimless, like you felt compelled to add more than was really necessary. Especially right near the end. I dunno, just nitpicking. The speed up and increase in intensity at about the 1:33 mark is very welcome and really adds a boost to the song that it needs. Outro in particular is well composed!
Lyrically this is fascinating, the right blend of woo and meteorology talk to trickle my mind. I’ve never really contemplated the notion of divining much about current atmospheric conditions beyond the likelihood of rain in the immediate future. That being said, I don’t see a whole lot about that topic actually appearing in your lyrics until the very end with “you said the sky could tell why you and i never fell in love like we should” (which I think is a great lyric, btw). It feels more like you just describing the weather that was occurring as you and your not-lover had the events leading up to your breakup, not so much discussing how the weather was predicting any of these things. Melodically, nothing really sticks with me in this song, and I’m not 100% sure how I’d remedy that…it’s just not very catchy. I find myself focusing on the cool percussive shifts and the fun noodly slide guitar haha. My personal enjoyment of the sounds your using give this points.
Hot Pink Halo - Strange Attraction
Coming on the heels of the previous songfight where the optional challenge was “prominently incorporate a noticeable element of a song you hate”, I can’t help but immediately interpret your reference to Taylor Swift’s Blank Space as a recurring lyrical motif as in line with that. Was that your intention? Regardless, it was interesting hearing it interpolated in all of those different ways throughout the tune.
Meteorologically speaking, this is a very abstract take on strange attractors and how non-deterministic meteorological models can be with slight perturbations. A topic I know all too well. I had to install a WRF forecasting model in the school’s meteorology lab when I was in college. So many parameterization options! I digress. The fact that structurally each of these verses is basically variations on the same general pattern seems…meta. Which would be in line with what I know about your creative process.
I really like the buzzing bleepy synth that shows up periodically. This doesn’t really stick in my head, and the main take away that I remember after the song has ended is the “repeat, repeat repeat” and the repeated interpolated Blank Space lyrics. I feel like this has one too many verses. It could end after the third verse and it would be totally okay, cause there isn’t really a lot new that happens from that point onward. Fading out during the repeats makes sense.
Temnere - Seeker Of The Storm
The very first thing that I feel absolutely compelled to say: these lyrics are much more epic than most, if not all, of the other entries this round. But of course.It’s power metal, and it wouldn’t be complete without some epic lyrics. If I interpret the narrative correctly, you are making a deal with a shadowy figure that will restore the fertility of your barren desert land if you…sacrifice yourself in a giant storm? Sure, I love it, this is great stuff. Guitars are chugging along nicely, drums are insistent with the relentless wallop.
The twin, harmonized guitar solo was a nice touch. I’ve heard enough songs of yours over the years to know that you have a pretty defined sound and you really have it locked in. You breathe this stuff and it shows clearly. One thing that I guess I could suggest is that when you bring in that INTENSITY in the vocal performance at the end of the song, it shows me what you’re vocally capable of to the extent that I wish you brought it like you did at the end more times throughout the whole song! Cause there are a few times earlier in the track where it doesn’t feel like really giving it our all, so I dunno…you got a good voice for this genre, Like “from the mouth, his blackest night”, I don’t know, you back off from the grit a bit more, give it more grit! But man that ending vocal run may be the vocal line of the round, yeah!
Like really the only thing I can possibly suggest wth this is “metal even harder than you are already metaling!”. But then again my favorite metal subgenre is Brutal Slam and my most listened to album in 2023 was Scarcity which is like microtonal black metal, of course I’m gonna think this could be more extreme – merely my taste in metal expressing itself. Never worry though, you’re getting a good ranking from me, this is in the upper echelon of round 1.
Hutch - Just Standin’ in the Rain
Compress your guitars more or bring them up in the mix, or let them ring out more in the riff! Though now that I’m listening to it, I guess that’s a synth? It sounds like a synth. It starters to get a bit more interesting as the song goes on, so that’s good. The hi hat pattern is way too loud, and I keep on waiting for a snare drum to come in or the drum pattern to do a little bit more than just play that metronomic hi hat pattern with the kick on the downbeat throughout the entire song. But…the release never comes with the percussion. And for the most part, there isn’t really much dynamic variation in any element of this song until that higher guitar part comes in, at which point it’s solely overdue. But that’s about it, that’s about the only real element that gives this dynamics. The song just feels content to very musically static the whole time.
The reverb on the drums and guitar track contrasts with the sharp dryness of the vocal. Maybe just adding a dash of reverb to your vocals would help them sit in the mix a little bit better? The melody line of “all I can do is stand and listen to the falling of the rain” or other similar lyrics feels like it just kind of drifts around, seeking the beat. I like to hear more interplay between the rhythm of the vocal and the song, and as it stands this song just feels kind of…wooden to me? Elaborate on the percussion. Compose and perform it in a way that expresses a little bit more emotion. It’s a sad and familiar story, man has his heart broken, goes and sulks in the rain. But I don’t detect the slightest bit of sadness in your vocal performance, it just feels rote. Switch things up more! Get out of that relatively narrow melodic band, explore the highs and lows of your voice, maybe relax a bit, get more into it. Meets the challenge, so check that box.
The Dutch Widows - Cold, Hard Blackberry Winter
I’d never heard the phrase blackberry winter before. Indian Summer I’ve heard a million times, but not the converse. I hate blackberry winters, they tend to mess up the fruiting cycle of the fig tree in my yard! Fortunately I’m far enough south that they aren’t super common, but they do happen. Ah, gardening woes. Anyway, bring up your vocal just a little bit in the mix. I’m loving this bottom of your voice vocal performance, it’s just kind of buried to the point where it’s hard to focus on what your saying. Maybe just a little bit more breath behind it too – like it’s so soft it feels like melody mumbling. Less of an issue in the “and the weather” bridge, though you sound a little unsure what note “heart” should land on. Ditto for “long”...same role. Structure is adventurous and I admire how often you switch it up from a riff/rhythm standpoint! “Still be so frosty with me” feels like a missed opportunity for the music to latch onto the shorter phrase and do something musical to highlight it. Or maybe you just need more syllables in that line.
Lyrically, it’s pretty decent, I like the use of the meteorological and botanical imagery through the tune. I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what the dispute is, but does it really matter? Your relationship is on the rocks, but you are hoping its transient and it gets better. Interesting metaphor with a cold snap, but I like it, it’s an original take. Backing vocals going into the final chorus are good. Maybe some timing issues here and there. I do love the peppiness of the melody in the chorus. I’m not sure what vines are on your sycamore tree. Wisteria? I’ve seen a lot of Wisteria on Sycamore trees. Did you know my grandfather was super allergic to Sycamores? They’d set off his asthma really bad. Shame. I love those super broad fanned out leaves.
I found this song kind of hard to rank. The chorus is relatively catchy, but I didn’t really find the rest of it particularly memorable for whatever reason.
chewmeupspitmeout - Hurricane
This song is very much lacking in low end throughout much of the track. Even when the bass line comes back in for the chorus, it still feels way too low in the mix! And the same is true of the kick drum. It’s less pronounced in the second half, primarily because you added a bass synth, but still, the drums here are very anemic and it sucks a lot of propulsion out of the song! I feel like this rhythm should be propulsive but it isn’t. There’s also some mode mixing that is kind of messing with my perception of the song. The backing harmonies during the second verse are mostly using Bb, but the glockenspiel keeps hitting B while you’ve got a harmony voice singing the Bb and it doesn’t match for me. Maybe it’s on purpose, but I want it to be either dorian or aelian, not some kind of no-man’s land between the two modes!
I’d also like it if there was a bit more variation in the song. Up until that outro where you change things up a bit, I feel like you’re just playing the same chord progression over and over and over. It’s made up for by the fact that you do a good job with switching up the dynamics and adding/subtracting elements and what not. The “oooooo” backing vocals get really repetitive after awhile, and I would like to hear some other melody or some variation in them to get out of the static rut! Plus they’re a bit too loud compared to everything else. Like when the outro comes around, there’s this cool synth…distorted…thing? But it’s so buried in the mix, all that really comes through is some high end fuzz.
Okay, I feel like I’ve criticized this one plenty and need to find something nice to say about it now. And fortunately for you – I can do so! Lyrics are doing a good job at evoking how much of a disaster this person/lover/etc is. They get the point across, and all of the imagery of the destruction this undesirably turbulent individual wreaks in your life doesn’t get repetitive and it flows well! I don’t really understand the bit about the “it’s not your fault, I should have seen that you were a hurricane”. Like, no, it’s totally their fault, they don’t have to be a hurricane. I mean I guess you can blame yourself for letting someone like that in your life, but nah, it’s their fault.
Cybronica - Grey Skies
You have a friend named “Estaphonia”? That’s such a cool name for a person to have, tell her that this Spintunes judge thinks her name is awesome. And her flute contributions are terrific, goodness, I love the flute. The medieval stylings of the song coupled with that lovely flute playing brings to mind early King Crimson in a lot of ways which is a good thing, cause I used to sing “I Talk To The Wind” to my kid as a lullaby on a near nightly basis. The younger two didn’t get it as much cause for whatever reason neither of them gave a crap when I’d sing them lullabies. Oh well, I digress.
This isn’t the only song in this fight about someone being stuck in a rut of miserable depression, but this one is pretty great in its own way. Vocal performance is terrific. One thing that does bug me a little bit is there’s this one chord you hit…I think it’s a Bdim with an F on the root…well anyway, the way it sits in the mix ends up sounding really clunky. Maybe a more spread out voicing? Or it could just be the EQing on your guitar? Or is there an F on the guitar with an E in the root? I dunno, something about that chord isn’t sitting right with me. And the bass sounds weird, way too much mid range and treble. I can’t figure it out! But I’m nitpicking too much on a minor element of a song that I’m largely finding to be very enjoyable and great. Am I a sucker for Phrygian? Well, yes.
The slight tonality shift in the coda (these gray clouds call on me) is very welcome and comes right around the right time. That final flute line right after “soak me to the bone and hold me fast” feels a little bit gratuitous, and I would have found a way to end the song there…maybe with a slight ritardando and ending on that line as an a capella vocal line? instead of going back into the flute part and repeating it through a fadeout?
I hope you get to feeling better. Lyrics are nice and poetic, meet the theme, good job.
The Alleviators - Fog
I have very little to criticize here. This is well executed, builds right, compositionally good, well recorded, well performed. All in all a good somber tune and one of the highlights of the round. Great abstract but evocative lyric, I love the metaphor going on with the fog. Seriously, I don’t have much to criticize. The harmonies are great, you both sing this song like you’re really *feeling* the mood of it. The delay and reverb on the lead guitar part are tastefully done.
The touch of ambience that comes with that guitar that swells its way through the intro and then comes in more cleanly in the solo is very well done. Truthfully that’s the nice thing about this song that I like the most. It’s tasteful. Every element is where it needs to be. I suppose I think it would be nice if the drums at the very end of the tune cut off just a little bit earlier instead of going into that fill. I guess I don’t really follow the rhythm of the guitar in the “a veil of dreams” part. It’s *too* floaty right there but not really in a terrific way. But that’s a very minor blight! Maybe turning up the melodic guitar line near the end would be a good choice from a production standpoint.
Very nice, congratulations on being my #1 of the fight. This song is dope.
Winterloper - Frostbitten Hearts
I’m really curious what LJ is going to think of this one as a judge, mainly cause the chord progression and vibe very much seems to match his style. That is not a bad thing at all, as this style with its cool chords and endless 7ths and 6ths and whatnot is ear candy! One thing that I would change a bit is the quantization on the electric piano. Right now everything feels very much RIGHT on the grid when it comes to the rhythm part, which despite how groovy the chords are makes the whole thing feel very…mechanical? The very audible presence of autotune/melodyne/whatever pitch correction plug-in reinforces that vibe too. However, I’m noticing this is only present in the chorus. Not so much the other parts? Like the pitches are clearly going from low to high as a quick arpeggio in the verses… Regardless, this could groove a bit more. Maybe just physically playing it on a MIDI keyboard. Or maybe you did and I’m just totally out to lunch!
Lyrically this is pretty solid, and I really like all of the frozen imagery you use and the gradually seasonal transitions. And I don’t hear too many lines that sound forced or shoehorned, though some of the “abo-o-o-ove”” and “wa-armth” go don’t entirely give me that vibe. I do like that effect on “spark to re-igni-i-i-i-i-ite” though, I wish you had that level of dynamism a lot more throughout the song!
Melodically – well, it’s pleasant enough, and very modal. Nothing about this song really grabs me and catches me, and I don’t know exactly what it is about it. The song ends and by the time that its over, my overall impression was “ooh, jazz chords!”. Personally I feel like this needs some kind of moment where the song really takes off musically to do something else. Like a solo of some kind, however brief? More instrumental interludes? It kind of feels like the instrumental for the chorus and such is very copy-paste…and the overall effect is kind of dull. That cool ascending chord at the end? We need flourishes like that throughout more of the song!
Boffo Yux Dudes - Weather The Storm
I’m amazed by how few people in this fight have songs that are rhythmically interesting. Yeah, this has a pretty standard “rock” backbeat for much of the track, but switching into and out of the triple time section really gives this something musically to latch onto. The same goes for the introduction of the (slightly too loud) tambourine part – complicated no, but really adds some dynamism to this song. And did you change the synth patch to something sounding like a violin for the last chorus? Compositionally a minor detail but makes the tune a lot more interesting!
Productionwise, this works fairly well, though the guitars sound a little anemic, and the vocals seem a bit overdone with their multitracking (particularly with “the weather inside my head”...a few less voices would have made that part work a bit better). As someone with a meteorology background, “the clouds may move away but the low pressure system will not stay” doesn’t make any sense – low pressure is associated with cloudy and rainy weather as a general rule of thumb, unless you’re in a thermal low in which case it isn’t going to rain because those come from extremely hot conditions in arid regions. The “raining, does it ever cease” stanza feels…clunky to me in a way that I’m not entirely sure how to remedy.
Bass does a good job at locking in with the drums and giving me something rhythmically to chew on. I know those are virtual drummer drums but they’re well arranged and tasteful, at least to my ears! One thing I’ve been commenting on with a lot of people’s songs is “what do I remember when I’m done with it”...and for this, it’s the cool rhythmic switchups and the chorus, which while not necessarily the catchiest thing ever is upfront enough and melodic enough for me to be able to hum it after the song is over so that gets you some points!
SunLite - Glass House
If the contest was “weather references per total word count”, you may be a top contender here. Clouds, lightning, foggy. There’s also talk of earthquakes and wildfires, the former of which isn’t really weather (you aren’t the only one to bring up earthquakes), and the latter of which tends to make its own rather dramatic weather at times! I also like the fact that you used the term haboob…though really, haboobs don’t really trigger rust nearly as fast as rain would. I guess it could blast off the protective layer of older rust and accelerate the process though, but really sweet morning dew wouldn’t renew at all. It would be more likely to make the process worse! Ah! That and “rain clouds ball when they feel heavy”. Is “ball” your synonym for precipitate, or is it referring to the shape of the cloud. The former would make more sense but I’m not huge on it. Anyway, I guess lyrically it’s possible that this overdoes it (imo) with the weather references in the lyrics, but that’s just a matter of opinion.
Guitar riff is cool, and guitar solo is cool. Some of the rhythmic choices in this song feel like the lyrics are being forced to fit the rhythm of the song. “Through muck and mire/could have inspired/but its blowing away/in this darkening gray” is one…I don’t know, the rhythm there just feels awkward? Ditto for the “As twilight moves to daybreak/I start to sense the earthquake” feels a bit clunky. I also feel like the outro goes on a bit too long, even though I really dig that guitar solo. The layering of chorus A and chorus B after the solo would be kind of cool…but then I feel like the song should stop after that sooner than it does. Like, we get to verse 4 with half the song left! It makes the rest of the song kind of feel like padding.
Anyway, this song has a good groove and beat. It doesn’t stick with me, sadly. It’s melodic, but never really GRABS me and HOOKS ME IN, you know? It’s one of those songs I want to like more than I do.
Governing Dynamics - Storm Over The Ocean
Lyrically, I’m not entirely sure what is going on in this relationship. Is it the protagonist that is the stormy one? Or the second party? Or both of them? Regardless, it’s well performed and well arranged. You do the trick of having a variation on the chorus that’s longer than the first time it comes around, which keeps musical interest going. Something about the transition between the guitar solo and that final chorus feels like it’s missing something. Maybe just a couple measures of a drum fill or some build to get the intensity back up and make that final chorus pop would have been more ideal?
Something about the mix is bugging me. I think it feels like there isn’t enough bass, but also there’s a slight slapback or reverb on the vocals? I can’t figure out exactly what it is, but I don’t know how much I like it with this song. “and using more fuzz on my guitar than is probably technically necessary.” is in your artist bio, and yeah, the fuzz feels…good, but maybe could be sculpted a bit with EQ to pull out a few of the harsher frequencies. The chorus has a catchy melody, which gets you a lot of mileage (especially in a round 1 fight where memorability goes a long way!).
As it stands, I simultaneously like this but also wish it had something…more. More oomph? I guess?
Menage a Tune - Wind and sand
Very minimalistic in comparison to most of the songs here. I assume other judges are going to comment on the production as well – was this recorded on a cell phone sitting on a table in your living room while you played the piano and then overdubbed a vocal track on it? The piano feels very far away and kind of reverbey but in a way that sounds like room ambiance and not a plug-in. Finding a way to record the piano that sounds a little bit closer would do you a lot of favors! The vocal on the other hand sounds generally fine. Maybe a bit pitchy at times, but good enough for my standards.
Obviously, this is a lyrical number, and I’m just gonna say, it’s *nice* to hear one of the small handful of songs that didn’t go for some kind of relationship turbulence expressed via a storm/rain or depression via rain/fog. In fact, this may be the single most emotionally affecting song from a lyrical standpoint in the fight. It’s so sad! But true, miserable homeless veterans are more common than anyone wants to admit. And the double meaning of desert storm as a literal wind storm and desert storm as in the early 1990s military operation was actually brilliant! There are only a couple lines that don’t entirely land with me due to the way that they fit lyrically, and that’s the one that ends with “body bags”, and the “box” cause I can’t tell if this dude just sits on a box or actually lives in a box, but it feels almost like a cliche regarding homeless people. But goodness, the switches in perspective from the wind in the war to the wind on the street and then to the desert sand to the narrator being like sand, goodness, packs a punch emotionally.
Normally I tend to be biased against songs that are this poorly recorded, but this is getting a pretty high score from me. If you’re back for round 2, bring your mic closer to the piano please!!!
Sober - Back in Texas
The first thing I did with this song was go on Google Maps and verify that you didn’t actually have a Chick-Fil-A in your town. And wow, look at that! You do! I’m not actually sure which part of Maine you live in, but unless it’s Bangor or Westbrook, you’d be driving quite a ways to get there. Plus I would also rather eat oysters most days. I’m not sure my children would feel the same way, they are nuggetaholics. Though if we were down by the GA coast we’d be able to get oysters too. Fun fact, part of the work I’ve done at my current job is providing meteorological guidance to oyster fisheries to determine whether or not they can open harvesting. Something to do with runoff modeling…we just automated a feed that sends them spatially averaged precipitation data.
Okay, so about the actual song. The drums in the recording are a great touch. Simple, yeah, but when did you ever heard Merle Haggard get too complicated with his drum parts? This is Bakersfield! And I listened to Big City recently and your drums sound better. Overall narrative kind of makes me want to take a visit to Maine. I’ve never been up there. From a compositional standpoint, the only thing I don’t really care for is how you hold out the “Maiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine” parts in the earlier choruses. When you hold it out in that final chorus it really makes it pop and structurally works, but it seems premature when you do it throughout the whole song.
I’ve been wondering why you actually did leave Texas and move to Maine. Now I know! Personally – I’m one of those “stick around and fight” people you’re offering a rebuttal to. “Be the change you wish to see” and all that is my philosophy as a dude who lives in a region that was covered in cotton plantations back in the day and is still filled with old folks that pine for the Confederate days and call the civil war “the war of northern aggression”. But I can respect your decision to leave, even if I don’t personally agree with it myself. Besides. Maine is prettier than Texas in nearly all regards and when I lived in Corpus Christi I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of that sweltering refinery town that often smelled of fish and sulfur. Plus you get to build snowmen. That’s fun! Moose are more majestic than javelinas anyway.
MHolland coming in with that baritone guitar solo was pretty terrific and it sounded great. Is that a baritone telecaster? It has that telecaster twang to it. If not, certainly fooled me! All in all, a good song with a high score and it was well executed. Plus my wife got really excited when you brought up Ropers.
Eric Baer - Weather Anomaly
Is this about the Zoloft commercials with the sad blob who has a rain cloud following him around?
That’s the first thing I thought of reading through your lyric sheet. If not, well…that’s how my brain interpreted it. Poor dude, maybe if he would get on Zoloft, the storm clouds would go away. And the people nearby wouldn’t have to duck into their doorways to get away from homie’s storm clouds! I like the chord shift as you go into the “never any …” stanzas. I guess that counts as a chorus. Also, “no one seems to realize”...that implies that there’s some reason that they’re missing, but I don’t know if anyone actually knows! I don’t think your protagonist knows why. That’s why you keep saying no idea why!
Anyway, the song itself is pretty decent, though it could really use slightly louder vocals in the mix to give it some dynamism and a stronger melody. After listening to it several times, I find it hard to really latch onto much of anything beyond the lyrics themselves…it’s missing a good hook or some central image to really grab me! I like the imagery in the lyrics though. I just find the song itself kind of compositionally…undercooked?
I still can’t get the image of the sad blob from the Zoloft commercial out of my head though and that is in no way your fault
Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Weather Song
This is a song that I like a lot more on paper than I do the endresult. Starting with the talk of saturnalia and the 2nd person being into clouds and Hemingway was promising. I like the concept of only being able to talk about the weather because you aren’t able to get anything else in terms of the conversation cause your mind goes blank the second you try to talk to [person]. I mean, it is ultimately the ultimate small talk topic.
I really want to like this more than I do, but it ends up just feeling kind of haphazardly put together. There’s too much cymbal crashing, and the rhythm is loose to the point where it doesn’t necessarily sound well rehearsed. Rushed beats, harmonies that don’t necessarily work (specifically “howwww, I feel for you”). “Line by line” rhythmically is kind of clunky compared to the line before it. I do like the synth twinkly thing, it kind of reminds me of the twinkly synth in the cave overworld in Super Mario World.
“Sudden sunshower, what’s that all about, ball lighting, rainbows hail [...] have you ever been in an earthquake?” Okay, that line amuses me deeply, but it also really makes me think of Miracles by Insane Clown Posse in style for some reason in terms of the delivery and execution of it. Like it just feels like a list of random examples and then a big tangent into earthquakes, which aren’t really weather at all.
Despite all of my criticisms, I do find this song charming and it’s certainly memorable, it’s just missing some polish and composition that would make it really pop.
Ominous Ride - Nymphorainiac
I’ll start with the production notes. The slight delay or reverb or whatever it is on the guitar would work better if the guitar was less high in the mix and there was more audible bass and drums. The drums are almost totally drowned out, I can barely hear them for half the song! Even the guitar solo (or is that a keyboard) sounds super far in the background. Plus this opens up with a couple seconds of dead silence…shows a lack of quality control in the submission process.
Lyrically, this is hilarious. Is it because my sense of humor is crass and vulgar? Well, maybe. But it’s still funny. And you sell it well, despite my complaints about the way this is mixed (your vocals are muddy!). A proper chorus would really do this song some favors too, cause the structure seems a little – haphazard? “Curse this hurricane between by legs” and all of its variations would work better if the vocals were clearer, cause that’s the part that should be sticking in my head and right now it’s not because the whole thing sounds like mush.
I feel like that’s a lot of words for complaining about the mixing in this song, but that is probably its biggest problem. It just needs a bit more polish. Maybe a lot more polish. The ending doesn’t really satisfy me either, it just kind of stops. But I still think the audacity of writing a song like this at all gets you some points because come on, the idea of being sexually aroused by rain is just funny. And it’s certainly memorable, which in a sea of 32 entries works to your advantage!
Dream Bells - Snowsong
Oh, this is lush. I love the synth work and overall vibe. That breakbeat and Reese bassline are going together great, and that twinkly snowy synth just tickle my ear drums in the best possible way.
I would have absolutely no idea what the lyrics were saying unless they were highlighted. I have nothing against vocoding and super electronic pitch correction and such, I just literally can’t make out the words! Kind of an issue for a songwriting contest where everyone is judged in part based on how close the song ties into the challenge? Good for you, you wouldn’t be eliminated cause this is clearly a weather related song, but next time turn the vocals up in the mix so I can actually make out the words!
It could use a stronger melody in the chorus, or maybe a different melody from the verses. I can’t really audibly make out the difference between the chorus and verses. Same chord progression, generally same beat, a big ol’ wash of pretty sound. The biggest difference is that there’s less drums and less bass in the verses. But yeah, differentiate the melodies a bit better. Cause really, the verses and chorus sound about the same melodically, as nice as it sounds. Same goes for the bridge. Sonically, the bridge may as well be another verse! But boy, this sounds pretty. It sounds really really pretty. Ending sounds like you’re about to drop into the next section of the song and then it just kind of stops. Sigh.
It’s a wonderful soundscape for sure. Does that translate to a great song? I don’t know, my vote is a resounding “maybe”. Switch up the melody lines more and give me a proper hook, something to grab my attention, some more progression in the song, maybe more changes in rhythm beyond [beat. Louder beat. Stop the beat for a second. Filter the beat. Okay no more filter]. Some fills! Something new!
▷ - Burning Paper Planes [SHADOW]
Lol you pandered to me specifically with this one knowing my love of hyperdub. And it does a pretty good job at it! I love the wubs, the rhythmic modulations. I’d adjust the EQ a bit on the synth and wub section before the monologue about how hot you are. It seems too bassy, you need some treble to give it some twinkle! I also like how it kind of subverts the club music trope about talking about being hot by literally talking about being hot. The random piano that kind of wanders around in the background during that section is fun, if noodly. This could definitely benefit from having a bit more structure, but as you’ve mentioned you put a lot more work into Rain…and it does kind of show. That one has that transcendent beautiful moment where that synth line comes in and OH it’s sweet. This is also good but after listening to all these songs a bunch of times I understand why you submitted that one as your main entry.
Clean this up EQ-wise and polish it a bit more! It doesn’t really have a very coherent structure, but the sounds are so good! You are our resident beep booper and you’re a darn fine beep booper at that.
Phlub - Which Juan? [SHADOW]
My wife and I came up with this. Back when we lived in Corpus Christi it seemed like everyone we ran into was named Juan. I looked it up and South Texas has the highest concentration of Juans in the US. Anyway, I knew two different Juans in the meteorological community and one of them worked at Channel 6 as the on air weather guy, and naturally that had to be the one true Juan, otherwise this dumb ol’ song wouldn’t fit the challenge. Also apparently I’ve expanded the Phlub song universe and now Valley Motors has a franchise in the Rio Grande Valley instead of the Tennessee Valley, cause there certainly weren’t many Juans there when I was growing up.
Spintown & Company - Go To Sleep! [SHADOW]
What the heck, this is by far one of the best songs in the round, and if it were received on time, I would have probably put it in my top 3! Has that old school alternative/power pop vibe and is executed super well! Upon my first listen I was just kind of soaking in the earworminess of it and not even paying attention to the lyrics. And then a couple of the lines made me realize what you were talking about. “Wait…this is about…being pissed off that your Minecraft buddy won’t go to bed?! HA!!!” I can definitely relate to that, even though I never really play Minecraft on a server. I haven’t really played it in a couple years, but I’ve told my son to go to bed on a zillion different occasions. Or vice versa, “DAD, GO TO BED, MONSTERS!!!” “hold on, I’m building!” “Build in the morning!”.
Literally the only negative feedback I could possibly give to this song is that “puddle of mud” has awkward phrasing. .I don’t know what lyric I would have put there, but it just doesn’t fit, especially as the last line of the chorus. But seriously, other than that, this is probably the single most radio friendly song of the entire round. The evil laughter over the guitar solo was a great touch. This gets an A!
Thanks for the review. I wish I'd been home for this, but I was out of town/state for pretty much the entire round. I wrote the lyrics in 1 day, and normally would have sat with them a bit longer to smooth things out more, but I wanted to give Eric as much time as possible to do the music & vocals. I generally do the lyrics first, and then he takes over. So I agree with the mud line being a bit off, but there's a couple lines I'd probably have tweaked a bit if there wasn't a deadline. Now I'm not a good lyricist so I might have made it worse...who knows. ;p
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