What a great round, folks! I wish I could go back in time and submit a shadow about how grateful I am to have the privilege to judge these songs. Very nice work.
Here are my reviews of the 15 excellent official entries,
in ascending order of excellence, followed by my reviews of the shadows, unranked, in album order.
OFFICIAL ENTRIES
15. Running Green Lights - Thanks for No(thing) - Nice harmonies, confidently delivered. I would have liked the vocals to be rhythmically tighter. The bigger issue is that we asked for a
sincere expression of gratitude, not a sarcastic one.
14. Glen Raphael - Work of the Programmers - This is fun and certainly clever, but since the music and much of the lyrics are directly lifted from another song, I don’t feel like I can justify ranking it very highly. Your vocals throughout are confident and solidly on pitch. However - and I let this slide with your round 1 song because I was so enamored of it - if you’ve got one singer singing multiple harmony parts with the same rhythm, they have to be rhythmically locked in. It’s especially bad in the first chorus around 0:28-0:31, but you also disagree about the final cutoff at the end of the song. It’s a pain in the ass especially when you’re slowing down at the end as you are here, but the extra effort is worth it to get them locked in. - Of course, the ideal would be to recruit all your friends down at the pub to sing live with you. :)
(Dave's Note: Work of the Programmers is a DQ. Judges can rank it, but it will receive no points.)
13. Governing Dynamics - Guiding Star - This is a little more focused than your Round 1 entry, but the wandering, aimless feeling still turns me off. I think a big part of it is having two guitar parts, the distorted chords in the left channel and the clean lead line in the right, that both feel improvised and off-the-cuff. Aside from the cool guitar figure in the intro and at 2:26, there’s no predictability, and therefore nothing to look forward to, in the guitar parts. The incessant but fairly quiet toms during the verse sound scattered and confused rather than driving and energetic which might have been your intention. I do like your vocals a little better this time around, and the harmony in the chorus is quite nice. You do, though, have a tendency toward looooong sustained notes that aren’t quiiiiiite there pitch-wise. On the other hand, your lyrics are pretty good - while the subject matter is similar to several others in the fight, your focus on the “guiding star” metaphor keeps things tight and cohesive.
12. Good Guy Sôjàbé - Upward & Onward - Great choice of subject matter. Lyrically, the question of how explicit to get is a difficult one - I don’t think I would have figured out that this was about Stan Lee without being told so outside the song, and I would have liked some more details within the lyrics to clue me in. The use of his signature phrase is a great touch, though following it up with “isn’t that what you said?” lends it an oddly accusatory air that I don’t think you intend. Musically, this isn’t quite as compelling to me as your Round 1 entry - the looser, janglier guitars don’t work as well, and the verse melody is just a little too much like Aerosmith’s “Dream On”, though the chorus’s melody and driving energy are good.
11. Temnere - Not This Time - Glad your voice is in back in good shape. :) This has all the epic-ness I expect from Temnere. My favorite musical aspect is the piano that rhythmically sometimes doubles the vocal line and sometimes doubles the guitar - I’d like it to be brought a little further up in the mix. Lyrically, this is a good concept to run with - a reincarnated soul striving to do better, and it fits well with the grand scope inherent in your genre. I want more concrete details in the lyrics, though - what is different about this time around? You’re grateful to someone for something they’ve done, but what exactly?
10. PigFarmer, Jr. - So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish - This is really well recorded and mixed - both the acoustic and electric guitars come through nicely, as well as the backing harmony vocals. There’s some great instrumental stuff - the “diggi-di dum” rhythm between verses and at the end, the drum fills, the electric guitar playing at the beginning. The vocal melody is less remarkable, but the vocal delivery is confident and solid. Lyrically, it gets the job done, but I’d love to get more details, either from the books or from your own life. Why
do you relate to Marvin so well? Can you quote one of his lines that you love? The Hitchhiker’s Guide is so endlessly quotable, and I think more specific references would have made the lyrics a lot more effective. In terms of construction, the line “I couldn't afford a ticket for a plane” is the only one that sticks out as particularly clunky. I do really like the stealth rhyme between the two pre-choruses: “
I read it at twelve years old” / “I love how the story is told.” It helps the song feel unified and cohesive.
9. Jocko Homomorphism - A New Ideal - Musically this is more immediately accessible than your Round 1 entry, and certainly more obviously betray JH’s roots as a Devo cover band. :) The instrumental is driving and fun (I especially like the bass-synth duet at e.g. 2:08). I do think your drums could be louder and punchier. Your chorus melody is nicely hooky, though your vocal performance is a little pitchy and could have benefited from some additional takes, I think. The harmonies are nicely composed but don’t quite lock in, especially in the chorus. Lyrically, most of the verses went over my head. If you intend this for an eventual audience of fellow mathematicians, they’ll probably love it. For a more general audience, you might think about focusing more on the effect her work had on the world - you mention her influence on Hilbert and Einstein - and less on the mathematical specifics. Or perhaps you could make it more personal and get into how her work has ultimately affected your own? It’s about you being grateful to her, after all. It’s a tough balance to strike and one that will depend on your intended audience. I do appreciate that you’ve crafted a song about an unusual topic, that does sincerely convey your gratitude within a field you’re passionate about, and that’s also fun!
8. Menage a Tune - I Wish (Jennifer's Song) - Your instinct for seeing the possibility of a song in your neighbor’s story was a good one. The very first line “
I was young, but I was dying” grabs the listener right away, and there are many other great lyrical moments. Musically, the “
thank you, thank you” of the refrain is a strong melodic hook, and your voices blend together in very nice harmony. The musical accompaniment feels a little cheap and demo-ish, which doesn’t serve the heartfelt lyrics very well. Ted, you’ve produced some very sophisticated backing tracks, so I feel like you can do better! This song is unusual in asking the listener to keep track of four characters - two parents and two daughters. It is not always immediately apparent which daughter is referred to line by line, particularly at “
You would never hold her children / She would never be a wife / Oh, I wish you could see her.” You introduce a new character without warning, and maybe it’s intentional to make the connection between the families stronger, but it’s worth keeping in mind how the audience will interpret it.
7. Faster Jackalope - Selfless Heart - This has all the elements that should make it a favorite of mine. Frisbee’s voice! Banjo! Actual humans playing string and brass instruments (especially after I just got done telling Brian the importance of decent brass sounds)! In real life and not on paper, it doesn’t quite come together for me the way I wish it did. Part of it is the horn/banjo combo - the magisterial, long-note horn line against the driving banjo picking creates some cognitive dissonance that I can’t shake. Otherwise though, the vocals really are wonderful, especially the melody in the chorus, including the great “
lift me up” moment. Glen’s vocal sections are good too, although the
“plateful” / “grateful” rhyme sticks out as overly clever and even jokey, in a set of lyrics that are otherwise straightforward and sincere (I’m hesitant to say this is part of a pattern with Glen’s lyrics, but it does make me think of the “re-nouned” pun in “Burning History Down” over at SongFight). As usual, the performances, recording and mixing are impeccable.
6. Third Cat - Looking for Light - I love the way the energy builds across the entirety of the song, from the subdued, sustained opening to the driving, complex and energetic final chorus. Your layered vocals aren’t quite as tight as I think they could be, especially in that final chorus where the different layers don’t all come through cleanly. The high harmony on “
pull me out, pull me out” the second time around is a bit much. Your melodies are great and memorable, especially in the chorus on lines like “
don’t knooooow what’s seen above”. Lyrically, this doesn’t tread much ground that others in the fight aren’t also treading, but the specific opening images of driving and lying in bed work well to make things concrete and specific.
5. Ominous Ride - Dodging Bullets - This has a great groove throughout, although the main bass riff feels very familiar. The vocals are really well executed, including the harmonies and polyphonic layering. The string interlude is very cool and comes at the right time to shake things up. I really like the lyrics: the take on gratitude is original, there are some great images (mistaking daggers for Cupid’s arrows, cracking a safe from the inside) and I find the narrator really intriguing. He’s so passive that even when he knows a relationship isn’t working, he sticks around and lets her end things. His passivity lends an air of ambiguity to the song’s ending - he’s found someone new who he’s happy with. But… is this new relationship really any different from the others? Is she really right for him, or is he just fooling himself again?
4. Brian Gray - Your Name - I enjoy the return to the Gleebleverse, and it’s a well-crafted song for sure. The chanted vocals work well to set the mood, and your lead vocal is suitably affecting for the emotion of the song. Two suggestions: 1. I don’t love having to rely on the song bio to know what’s going on, and I think a few seconds of dialog and sound effects can establish the scene (the attack and sacrifice by the anonymous hero). Obviously, if you do continue expanding this story you’ll have plenty more decisions to make about how to make the plot points intelligible. 2. The trumpet VST sounds pretty bad, and the otherwise evident care that went into the arranging, recording, and mixing makes it stick out even more. Given the emphasis on trumpets in the lyrics, this feels like an important musical aspect of the song that’s not getting its due. I know that good brass samples are hard to come by, and good brass players even more so, especially on a week’s notice, but it’s worth it. Otherwise, great song.
3. Mandibles - InDependence - Lots to love in this song: the warmth of the antique piano, the crisp guitar playing, the vocal melodies and harmonies generally, and in lines like “
the life we lead is hard I know” specifically. All great stuff! Lyrically, the first verse is in danger of metaphorical incoherence: sounds that glitter and glow but also rage, and also can be dimmed, unless they are hammering or drowning. I understand and appreciate the sentiment behind the lyrics, but tightening and focusing on one image would, I think, be more powerful. Melodically, the “
what can I do” section doesn’t hold up very well to the rest of the song, and the offbeat vocal “ba”s feel out of place. The piano is holding down that part just fine without help! These complaints aside, this is a very beautiful song.
2. Vom Vorton - Thank You Rafa & Agnes - What fun! Sweet heartfelt and also playful lyrics and upbeat driving music. The jangly descending guitar riff reminds me of a jangly descending guitar riff from a different song but I can’t place it so I can’t accuse you of plagiarism. As usual, you excel at crafting tight, consistent rhyme schemes across verses. The lines about being “
just part of the pack” feel out of place and undercut the sentiment you’re trying to express, though I’d hate to lose the great
“felt a” / “shelter” rhyme.
1. Zoe Gray - How to Sing - This is a very very good song. Just like in Round 1, there are lots of moments that attest the work you’ve put into developing your song craft: from the subtly unpredictable phrase lengths, to the way lyrical motifs are reused and altered in ways that deepen their meaning (
“please don’t ask me if i think i’m ready ... please just tell me how you think i’m ready … please just won’t you promise me i’m ready”), to the just plain old great melodic writing (e.g. the opening figure of a leap upward and gradually descending line). Performance-wise, you display really excellent vocal control, particularly at places like the melodic leap upward at e.g. 1:43 (
“and you taught me how to sing”), and the downward slide in the backing vocals at 3:48 is killer. All these elements of great craft and performance combined with the heart-on-sleeve sentimentality make for a really great listen. Your instrumental accompaniment is very much secondary to the melody and lyrics, which I think is smart, but it could use a little more variation and interest. Also, I don’t love that you open with humming because in my opinion, humming is the worst. Go with “
ooo” instead! These are minor complaints though, especially when there is so much to love about this song!
SHADOWS
Marlon - I Am Not Your Princess - This is a lot of fun, the guitar riff and vocal melody are quite catchy, and the video game references are quite clever. The performance and recording are rough, but this feels like the demo of a song that a lot of people would really enjoy.
Red Watcher - I Wasn't the One - Wooo-ee, that chorus vocal is something else! Great stuff. The song feels a little like it wants to kick into a higher gear than you let it, but it works well at the level you keep it too. This treads similar ground to Ominous Ride’s entry, but with a thin layer of spite that their entry lacks. I don’t know if you entirely intended the song to come off as creepy as it does, but there it is. It really gets under the skin. A great listen.
Dr. Lindyke - Match (DEMO) - Elton.
Red Watcher - Kindness Reigns (Over?) Power - Another great vocal performance and great production. I love all the vocal acrobatics. Lyrically, this song is getting into the territory of “inspiration porn,” but it is heartfelt and, frankly, just really good. I love the intersection of great lyrics and great performance when your little vocal flip lets you pull off rhyming “quietly” and “politely.”
Matchy Matchy - Thanks - In terms of composition, this is a classic Jerkatorium song with all the strengths one would expect - great chord progressions, clever rhymes, solid overall form, etc. My favorite aspect is how you change the last line of each verse, as an altered refrain:
“Thanks for teaching me that / Thanks for teaching me this / Thanks for teaching me how / Thanks for teaching me everything”. Unified, with variation. Very nicely done. Now, the performance on the other hand… I gotta give you credit for going for it and committing to the a cappella arrangement, but it’s a chore to listen to. The signature Jerkatorium harmony vocals are great within the context of a full rock instrumentation but they don’t stand on their own for a whole song, mostly because there’s no dynamic expression to the individual notes. If you’re going to sing one vowel on one note for four counts or more, there’s gotta be some shape to it, otherwise, you’re putting your audience to sleep. In conclusion, hire a real doo-wop group to back you up, or call up your drummer and tell him you’re doing it the way you do it best.
